Sunday, March 2, 2014

Interview with Callipgraphuck founder, Linus Boman

What better way to say 'I love you' than to say 'I fucking love you' in beautiful calligraphy. Calligraphuck cards are a solid favourite with Passionfruit customers. We pinned down the founder Linus Boman to give us his story behind his calligraphucking success.
Founder: Linus Boman 

How the phuck was Calligraphuck born? Give us a story.

Calligraphuck was born out of a love of lettering and swearing.

I had moved back to Brisbane after living in London for a few years and I ended up in a day job where I had a lot of free time. So I started to doodle, and just by nature they ended up mostly being obscene words in fancy writing.

I started sharing these on Instagram and gained a small following. One of my coworkers saw this and asked me to make a birthday card for another colleague and based on the positive feedback from that I started thinking about the idea of making proper greeting cards. I had always loved printing, but could never find the kind of cards that would appeal to my deviant friends that were also well designed.

How did you get the project off the ground?

I wanted to make sure the quality of the cards was top-notch, so I had a look at a lot of different printing techniques. Letterpress really appealed to me because it has this wonderful tactile element – unlike your standard commercial offset printing – the design is literally pressed into the card stock, leaving a deep impression you can feel in your hands. It was also perfectly suited to lettering-based designs.

So after finding the right printers, I set up a crowd-funding campaign on Indiegogo. I set out to raise $5000 to print 4 designs, produce bespoke envelopes and cover worldwide shipping for all the pre-orders.

Luckily, one of the hundreds of blogs I emailed was a pretty high-profile blog in the States which gave us some good exposure, and after that the campaign really took off. In the end it raised more than twice the original goal, and so I had the budget to produce 8 greeting card designs and things have been growing ever since

Was it easier or harder than expected to get Calligraphuck off the ground? What has been your biggest challenge?

A mix of both. I expected it would be hard work. For the first 6 months I packed and sent all the orders myself out of my bedroom (including the crowd-funding campaign, the first Christmas and Valentine's) – having a warehouse has made life a lot more manageable, but finding somewhere that had a pricing structure that made sense for our business took time.

I say "our" because since then my brother Ben has joined me. We're still a small family business. I think our biggest challenge is still ahead. We've been very lucky in that a lot of people love the designs I do, but we're still learning a lot about the business side. International shipping has been a big pain. I moved back to London but a lot of our customers are outside the UK. We'd ideally like to have a US warehouse too but we haven't found anywhere with a price structure similar to what we have in the UK.

Calligraphuck cards at Passionfruit

What does your daily routine look like? Are you spending all your time time now designing and swearing?

It varies, but definitely more now than ever. Now Ben handles the orders so I can focus on the design, but when people email through the website it ends up in my inbox. We're really focussing on expanding the range of designs this year, so that we'll be able to start going to trade shows and more next year.

When I'm working on a design it usually takes about 6–8 hours of work from sketch to artwork to be sent to press. All the lettering is sketched by hand first, then brought into the computer and redrawn in Adobe Illustrator.

Of course there are other things that need time too, like promotion, keeping up relationships with our wonderful resellers (like Passionfruit!), social media (I try to upload at least one original sketch a week) and we have some new offerings coming out in March through Chronicle Books, so things are pretty busy!

For the moment, I still need to take on additional design work too, as the business is only 18 months old and isn't big enough to support us on its own yet. But we hope that it will continue to grow and one day that won't be the case!

Any advice for those with creative business ambitions?

I'd definitely encourage anyone who has an idea to start their own creative business to give it a go. I've been constantly surprised by the interest people have shown in my funny little idea, which goes to show, you're probably not the best person to estimate how successful your own idea could be!

I highly recommend crowd-funding as a great way to get an idea off the ground, and a great way to gauge interest at the same time! Platforms like Indiegogo, Kickstarter and Pozible really can work. Make sure you put the work into it though. Make spreadsheets. Work out your costs (make sure you factor in international shipping!). Make a list of blogs, people on twitter, friends and family who might be interested and contact them about your project, no matter how self-conscious you might feel about self promoting. You might be surprised by how many people are interested!
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Tuesday, February 25, 2014

What is a Sensuality Boutique? (not a Sex Shop?)

What is a Sensuality Boutique? (as opposed to a Sex Shop?)

Passionfruit the sensuality shop Lubrary lubricant Melbourne
The 'lubrary' at Passionfruit - luxury lubricant
Passionfruit is a luxury sensuality boutique. 
Like a traditional Sex Shop, we sell products for the bedroom. So in that respect we are similar.
But we focus on creating a female-friendly, beautiful, fun and comfortable shopping experience.
Our mission is to help whoever walks through our enhance their sex life by embracing their sensual side.
So as well as a cherry-picked range of toys and accessories, we also host boudoir parties to celebrate sensuality (check out bump-n-grind dancer l’amour from our Valentine’s day bump-n-grind soiree)
And we give workshops for education and inspiration, such as 'How to Thrill a Man' (next: 22nd February 2014).
We pride ourselves on making other people's sex lives amazing and we feel the best way to do this is by offering an immersive and sensual in-store experience.
What keeps the Passionfruit mission alive?
Passionfruit was born with a boom and a bang 15 years ago by Michelle Temminghoff and her husband Daryl. There was a real need for a sex shop you didn’t feeling perverted and embarrassed to be seen walking into.
Their original statement was “to reinvent the sex shop with fun, love and passion”.  That mission is even stronger today a research continues to show how important an active sex life is for the body and soul.
For example, a regular bit of ‘how’s-ya-father’ has been shown to boost the immune systemkeeps you looking 10 years younger and fight cancer.

What can be found inside Passionfruit’s loins?
Sex toys by world-renowned award-winning brands such as Lelo, Fun Factory, Je Joue and Tenga.
Hypoallergenic, organic, (even vegan) lubricants and designer condoms.
Adult bedroom accessories such as whips and restraints from Australian-made leather company Wild Hide and Berliner Fraulein Kink.
Gorgeous lingerie from exclusive brands such as Hopeless Lingerie, Made by Niki, Lascivious and Playful Promises.
Stockings and lacy suspender belts, latex-wear from William Wilde, French nipple tassels, Venetian masks.
.. Plus fun, cheeky gift cards, Soy-based massage candles, double-ended lollipops and educational how-to guides. 
We are open 7 days a week, opening hours :
Monday - Thursday : 11- 7pm
Friday - Saturday : 11- 9pm
Sunday : 12- 6pm
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Sunday, July 21, 2013

Female Pleasure (the origins of shame surrounding masturbation)



Females masturbate a lot less than males. Is it the lack of self pleasuring that is the cause of many women’s negative sexual issues, particularly the inability of so many women to be fully orgasmic? Has the guilt and shame surrounding female masturbation curtailed women’s sexual power?

I don't think I've ever heard of a man who hasn't masturbated. He might as well not breathe than not tug on his manhood. It's as easy for a male to masturbate as it is to take a leak. Hold it, pull it, stroke it and Wa La. Awesome!

Boys may experience some shame in the early days, especially if sex has always been an embarrassing concept and not up for discussion. But I imagine that the wonder and delight at the outcome soon outweighs any negative connotations. Most boys would feel quite proud of themselves and rightly so. Guilt flees rapidly.

A woman however, is a wholly different. To masturbate, a woman must enter herself. Enter the unknown. The forbidden. Her internal universe. Inside. Within. Within is not just of the body. Within is emotional. It is the heart, the soul and the mystery.

Journeying into oneself is no simple matter. It is complex, emotional, a mirror, a landscape and a quest. A quest that she may not want to undertake for fear of the awareness she might find. There is trepidation, wonder, fear and secrecy.  Hardly a tug in the dunny.

This is also reflected in the way males and females approach sex. Mostly, for women it is an emotive, internal act whereas for men, less so. Female sex and masturbation require a spiritual as well as physical journey.

Mystery, pleasure and shadowy realms are all juicy fodder for the onset of guilt and shame. We have at least two millennia of religion and philosophy warning us of the risks of hedonism leading us from the path of virtue and cleanliness.

Both religion and philosophy, the two great foundations of modern culture, agree that to be virtuous, one must suppress appetites and desires, as they can lead us from the narrow, sturdy path of goodness to the entangled, fraught path of danger and sin.

The Bible is overflowing with references to the dangers of pleasure - sexual pleasure being the most treacherous.

"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." Corinthians 6:18

The success of Christianity depended upon the elimination of the pagan mysteries - you cannot idolise false gods when there is only one god. Females were a mystery unto themselves in this male dominated world and the power and potency of female sexuality was too much of a wildcard that could threaten the great religious powerhouse.

“Woman is defective and misbegotten.” Thomas Aquinas - priest and philosopher.

Of course, you would think that modern Christianity would be a little more flexible and that by now we would be agents of our own destinies - ungoverned by religious morality.

Yet if you tap into any modern Christian website you will see that sex within a strong relationship is acceptable whilst masturbation is not. Hardly a recipe for sexual success. Ergo, women must rely on their male partners understanding their sexuality - not themselves.

"If masturbation is done alone and accompanied by lust, then it is a sin." Pastor Mark Driscoll 2012*

Philosophically too, pleasure is to be avoided if one is to lead an honest, moral life.

"Pleasure is dangerous because it is a deceiver. It leads us astray with false appearances, bewitching and beguiling us, cheating and tricking us. In particular, it deceives us by appearing to be good when it is not." Plato

For philosophers, it is reason that shines its light on life. When reason fails, it is only through the spirit that we can dispel the lure of pleasure.

Accessing the spiritual to banish the pleasurable when pleasure itself is of the spirit is no easy path. No wonder so many of us can't enjoy sex with abandon and climax freely.

For a woman then, masturbation requires an inward journey that contradicts our society's strongest moral foundations. Unbridled pleasure and inner power might be expecting a bit much. Pleasuring herself, entering herself, uncovering her folds and layers, invites shame and guilt more so than for a man whose member is dominant and present and tactile.

A woman who loves sex is still considered wanton, promiscuous, extravagant, unscrupulous, shameless and indecent. (All the things that can be positively erotic because of their immorality).

I urge women to masturbate often and unreservedly, without guilt and shame emasculating their feminine power and sexual potency.

(All artwork by Georgia O'Keefe)


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Saturday, May 18, 2013

Sex myth (more than one kind of vagina..)

Sex has become like beauty. The more of it you see, the less worthy you feel. 

The standardised version of sex that we inhale every day through the media is diminishing our capacity for openness and passion - and turning us into pretty flaky lovers.

Just as the phenomenon of 'beauty' has skewed our sense of ourselves and sent us running in record numbers to Jenny Craig, the tanning salon, cosmetic surgeons and Chadstone, so the prevalence of porn has constrained us by implanting the notion of a sexual beauty and our general lack of it. 

A whole generation of women, having grown up on a diet of digitally altered and enhanced images, are terrified that their sexual organs are abnormal and their sexual experiences below par. How can we possibly enjoy sex freely when we feel so inadequate?

Gynaecologists and sex therapists agree that most of their consults who have concerns about sexuality and genitals are 100% normal.  They spend their days reassuring patients instead of fixing them. 

Like faces, vulvas are 'made up' for the cameras and chosen for their 'beauty'. Mostly, they are thin-lipped with no protruding inner labia, pink and hairless. (If they don't fit into this ideal naturally, they are digitally altered).

Censorship in Australia has paid its treacherous part by not allowing a variety of genitalia to appear in legal porn and, like an attractive well balanced face, we have come to prefer the look of some vaginas over others because they fit into a new, 'normalised' framework.

At a vagina workshop recently, I was introduced to Quodoushka - an ancient American Indian, feminine based tradition that is used to understand sexuality and anatomy. Quodoushka unequivocally asserts that, rather than there only being one type of vulva (as you would be led to believe if you got your information from the internet) there are nine.

Yes! All women have one of nine types of vagina. It's rather like the zodiac but rather than evaluating the date and time of your birth, you analyse the shape of your inner and outer lips, the distance your clitoris is from your vaginal opening, the color variation and other telling factors. Once you establish these traits, you become a Bear, Buffalo, Deer or one of the other six female archetypes.

Your archetype also characterises the type of sex you enjoy, how long it takes for you to climax, how lubricated you are, where your G-Spot is located and so on. It provides a framework from which to understand your sexuality and feel empowered by it. 

Excerpts from the book 'Pussy Portraits' - an excellent example of vulval variety.

When we are presented with beauty in all its forms and helped to understand the inherent beauty in all things, it allows us to appreciate and respect what is within us. 

If you have doubts, worries, guilt or shame about your sexuality or anatomy, use the internet to find models other than the stereotypical. Read books, talk to people about these issues and never allow a lover to make you feel abnormal or weird. (You'll know that they're a porn inhaler from way back).

Sexuality has no normal just as beauty is limitless.

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Thursday, November 22, 2012

6 smokin' sex tips for girls



Smokin' Sex Tips for Boys, back in February, was our most popular post so we thought it was about time the girls got in to it too. With Christmas around the corner, warm summer breezes to ignite latent desires and new lovers on the horizon, it's time to apply some expert tips that will leave your man in a smokin' heap of snoring ecstasy. 

1. Fab Fellatio
For the most sublime head, lift the penis and lightly and tenderly kiss from bottom to top. With featherlight flicks, run your tongue along the underside of the shaft in a straight line from bottom to top. Swirl your tongue around the head paying special attention to the frenulum. Intersperse with cool blowing and warm sucking over the shaft and head. Use your hand as well as your mouth to glide from base to tip. Look into your lover's eyes and show enthusiasm and love. Don't be afraid to use your saliva for lots of lovely lubrication. Hold the penis firmly at the base to keep him hot and hard.

2. Foreplay of the Mind

Anticipation is a beautiful thing. Massage his crotch whenever you have the chance, send him suggestive texts throughout the day, bare a bit of leg (and for an extra thrill, wear suspenders and stockings), lick your ice-cream suggestively and give him your most seductive, carnal glances. Whatever you do, make sure he knows what delicious delight he has waiting for him. A man adores to know that you're having dirty dreams of him and when he finally throws you on the bed to ravish you, the wait will have made it so much more worth it.

3. On the Brink

One of the most erogenous zones on the body is the perineum and anal area. When delighting him with your sublime oral technique, try pressing the pad of your finger around the perineum (the area between the balls and anus) using reasonable pressure. When he's good and aroused, use a lubricated finger to lightly massage around the anus. If he's going to come, insert your finger gently for wild and intense orgasm.

4. Heavenly Hand Work

Hand jobs are soooo much more satisfying when you have a well lubricated hand. Make sure you have some nice massage oil and warm it up a little to begin your massage. Release some tension from his back, shoulders and buttocks before starting on his penis. Don't be sparing with the oil and use good, firm pressure as well as feather light touch and your fingernails to ignite him. Cold pressed oils are excellent for massage and silicone lubricants are positively transformational.

5. Enthusiasm
You cannot underestimate the role of body confidence and enthusiasm. We hear it a lot because it cannot be over-stated. Really try to forget your body hang ups and engage in sex with as much enthusiasm as you can muster. Show him that you are loving every stroke, lick and thrust. Whether you are giving head, providing a masterful hand job or masturbating in front of him, look in to his eyes, make noise and GET INTO IT! It's highly contagious for both partners and he'll feel like the master of the universe.

6. Just For You Baby

Men don't talk about it much, but the pressure to perform can be deflating. A hard, firm, performing penis can be difficult to maintain again and again. Every once in a while, let your man know that you are going to love and pleasure him with no reciprocation. Lie him down, massage, stroke, lick, suck and fuck him if you want to but make sure he understands that there is no pressure to perform. Permission to relax and be pleasured is a wonderful gift. Erection and climax are optional.

..Then wish him a Very Merry Christmas!

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Monday, November 12, 2012

50 Shades of Grey - The XXX Adaptation A REVIEW


Ta da... what we've all been waiting for (well me anyway) ...50 Shades of Grey the Porno! I have to admit, I couldn't wait to see it. I just had to see how bad it was going to be so I ripped it open, slid it into my laptop and proceeded to scrutinise every arse whipping scene.

An hour later, my overall impression was one of Torana rather than Audi, Fountain Gate rather than millionaire playground Seattle. Despite the movie being not too bad, the special details that we girls love were absent. No Louboutins, sexy office attire, well cut suits or fine food and wine; rather more satin Gasp dresses, stripper heels, pink passion pop and Franco Cozzo interiors. So very suburban.

Despite this, it's one of the best pornos I've seen in ages. Allie Haze is perfect as the innocent, young and corruptible Anastasia Steele. She has the lip biting and eyelash batting down pat, reminding me of a young Katie Holmes - very cute!

'Ryan Driller' as Christian Grey isn't half bad either, considering there's absolutely no-one in porno land or real life for that matter who could live up to such a head turning master of a young man. It was just so disappointing that his suits looked like bad rentals, his house looked like the Geelong Italian Club and his chest and pubic hair were waxed  - no sexy 'happy trail' in sight!

Ana's housemate, the indomitable Kate Kavanaugh isn't so well cast, looking like your typical blonde, big boobed Hollywood porn star getting nailed by Eliot in familiar porno style. Oh well, perhaps the Hollywood version will nail the Louboutins instead.

What I loved about it (yes loved) is that Ana is the one in control. It is her pleasure that is paramount - her pleasure that is at the core of the film. I've only ever seen that happen in various arthouse pornos or cheezy 1970's Candida Royalle movies. Apparently you have to be a radical feminist to be at the receiving end of pleasure.

Mr Grey however, seduces virgin Ana and ravishes her with deep kisses, eye gazing, finger fucking and rather superb oral. She even has orgasms before he penetrates her. Wow! What I always thought was pretty standard is actually revolutionary! Who knew?

If you loved the book, you must see the porno. It might not be the billionaire fantasy you envisaged, but it is "noice, different, unusual."

I was going to give 50 Shades of Grey 4 stars for the casting and especially for the talking which makes for a nice change from grunting, but I will take 1/2 a star away for the gratuitous close up scenes which really aren't particularly attractive.
3 1/2 STARS

Allie Haze
Ryan Driller

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Wednesday, August 22, 2012


I've been thinking that the 50 Shades phenomenon might be so massive as to kick-start a sexual revolution. If Germaine Greer's 'The Female Eunuch' was the catalyst women needed to leave their husbands and relinquish the life of domestic servitude that allegedly castrated them, then E.L. James' 50 Shades of Grey is the tool that has allowed women to discover the power (and not the impotence) of submission. A role that may, in fact, be closer to her true nature.

Whereas The Female Eunuch instructed women to reject the bondage of marriage and child bearing and embrace their sexual agency rather than allowing themselves to be treated as sexual objects, E.L. James wills us to find sexual freedom in power games, hard core sex and romantic love. In the context of the twenty first century, it has liberated many women's repressed desires.

The submissive 'Ana' is traditionally seen as having no power - vulnerable, passive and needy. Women struggle every day with power - she is disadvantaged and disempowered simply because she is the physically weaker sex. Every day she strives to empower herself and protect herself from being overpowered. She is always working to find, increase and express her power. 50 Shades of Grey shows us that we can 'play' with power for fun and pleasure rather than be confined in its serious real world struggle.

Ana feels powerful and beautiful when being the submissive. She knows too, that she has the right to choose if she wants to continue the game or not. It is the fantasy of having no choice that is the ultimate turn on however. As a submissive it can be very erotic to believe that you have no choices. Here I am tied up, gagged, blindfolded and turned on against my will. Poor me!!

The real power struggle between Ana and Christian is out of the bedroom. It is in every day life that Christian threatens to overpower Ana and where they must work to find an equilibrium. Ana feels powerless in the 'Mad Men' world that Christian inhabits. He exerts an unhealthy control over her personal, social and work life yet the power games 'with' her in the bedroom are far more healthy, modern and acceptable. The difference between 'power over' and 'power with' is at the crux of their relationship.

The Female Eunuch resonated with women who felt the patriarchy had 'power over' their lives. Germaine Greer described successful, feminine women as “the white man’s black man, the professional nigger.” Women could only achieve high positions within male-dominated structures, Greer argued, by using their feminine wiles to manipulate men’s “guilts and hidden desires." Forced to beg for any improvement in their social status, women have not been able to develop an authentic self; they are “impotent, insecure, inferior beings.”

Although written 40 years ago, women are everyday, still trying to exert their power within a patriarchal world. She is still, in many ways, the 'professional nigger', working within structures that have traditionally been male dominated and not yet suited to the feminine mindset. The side effect of this constant power play is often tired confusion and an inability to recognise and assert her sexual needs. For a tired, multi-tasking, assertive woman, being treated as a 'sexual object' has its benefits. Bring it on Christian.

Except Ana is no object. To Christian Grey, she is awe-inspiring, brave and fiercely loved. That is the combination that is so heady and masturbation worthy. If Greer's theme was about the importance of women undergoing a profound change in the way they viewed themselves and their relationships with men, then E.L. James' book has had a similar effect, but the vehicle is a modern love story not a polemic. And the result is not sexual equality but sexual liberation and finally, satisfaction. 

The taboo of the submissive woman might be directly related to the emancipation of women. It's just not politically correct to slap a woman's behind, gag and fuck her when she's working that same sore arse off to score equal pay, maternity leave and a place on the board. Any kind of bondage, spanking, rough play and dirty talk is banned by Australian censors. It's as though sexual role play and power play must be a reflection of society's standards and therefore condemned. 

But bedroom politics and power struggles are not real life power struggles. The conclusion is immature and patronising and has no doubt left a large proportion of women (and men) sexually dissatisfied and confused. When we read about a woman being trussed and spanked for erotic pleasure, it doesn't mean that we want the same 'bondage of marriage' that Germaine freed us from.

That is what has made 50 Shades so successful. It has helped us to inhabit our sexuality and understand that it is OK (and really hot) to want the rich sexual, and perhaps submissive, life of our choosing. It has separated the social and the personal rules and allowed women and men to play. Greer's ability to tap in to the zeitgeist and popularise its complexities is not unlike E.L James' uncanny knack of opening a door we didn't know was locked. Revolutionary stuff. Then again, I could just be a little over excited.
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Sunday, June 24, 2012


One of the darkest, most thrilling and erotic things I ever heard, was told to me by a friend a long time ago. 

She, a raven haired, caramel-limbed, horse riding beauty, and he a smouldering, guitar playing sex pot who cooked and sang, stoked up the fire and hosted wild parties, finally got it together one wintry Victorian, star-filled night.

She told me that when he eventually seduced her, wrapped her up and flung her on the bed, she apologised and confessed that she had her period.

She explained to me, over cheap wine and biscuits, that he had no issue with it and proceeded to go down on her with relish. A long time later, he looked up into her eyes with a face smeared with her menstrual blood and made love to her.

She told me this story many moons ago and I've never forgotten it. It thrilled me to the core and lodged something deep within me, evoking my own pagan, mysterious, dark and spiritual self. It spoke of carnal desire, lust - worship.

When we approach our lover with fervent wonder and devotion, it takes away all shame and guilt. A love of nature, a sense of awe and a respect for life and self - when transmitted to a lover - is transcendental.

You don't have to follow the Germaine Greer test to achieve it, but deeply enthusiastic sex pays homage to your lover, and thereby bestows the ultimate gift of self respect.

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Tuesday, June 5, 2012


For all our feminist achievements, our sex lives are going down the gurgler.  The media is bursting with women pointing the finger and crying blue murder about misogyny and sexism, and yet I’m beginning to think that this has become counterproductive. We’re shooting ourselves in our collective fat arses and suffering the consequences in the bedroom.

Firstly, men love women, they don’t hate them. A shitty remark does not a misogynist make. I’m all for pointing out an indiscretion when I see it, but bringing men to heel is threatening our sexual satiety. For woman to come into her full power (the perfect balance to man), she must evolve without the assumption of a patriarchy. 

Demanding an equal playing field and the right to be the same as men, reinforces a woman’s belief that her own nature is inferior - striving to be equal to a man confirms her rank. When she comes from a place of oppression, the struggle must be to emerge as herself, not as her persecutor; equality on a woman's terms.

The fact that men are physically stronger, more competitive and ambitious by nature has allowed men, quite naturally, to control the social, political and economic landscape so far. Feminism’s problem, has been to try to alter this situation by encouraging women to be more like men (whose qualities threaten her) instead of fostering a culture where women’s characteristics, in contrast to a man’s, are celebrated and rewarded.

Women need to continue being their best and creating structures that reward femininity and resist deriding men for every indiscretion. This derision is transforming men into confused, hurt and vain metrosexuals who are just not that attractive, let’s face it.  And ironically, for all the advances in sexual equality, many exhausted women just want a man to provide, be gorgeous and screw her like she’s the last woman on earth. Christian Grey, a man who makes all the decisions will do nicely thank you. (50 Shades of Grey has just topped 10 million sales and cornered 25% of the adult fiction market)!

When women use male mockery as a tool for liberation, confusion sets in. Men begin to question their true nature, which is, to protect, compete and win whilst women become harder to conquer, love and cherish. If, on the other hand, a woman’s true nature (generous, nurturing, vulnerable) is heralded and valued, sexual liberation can begin to evolve and fulfil itself instead of stagnating as it is now. It’s like positive parenting - it’s better to reward the good behaviour and ignore the bad.

Undoubtedly, the equalising of our opposing natures, made possible because of feminism, has transformed us into richer and more whole individuals. Women enjoy independence and opportunity and men benefit from a greater emotional intelligence. But the sex has become so frigging boring. Men are suffering from all manner of performance issues and women can’t decide if they want the, now taboo, knight in shining armour or the waxed, buffed, politically correct nancyboy, who does the dishes but is crap in the sack.

It is sexual polarity that is the foundation of sexual passion, and for bedroom fireworks, male and female difference must be magnified not diminished. In a world where male and female essence is more closely aligned, we need to make an honest evaluation of our core sexual nature in order to be sexually satiated.

Ask yourself if you prefer to be sexually dominated (feminine) or to take the lead (masculine) most of the time. Great sex happens when one is the victor and one is the vanquished - butch/femme, top/bottom, master/slave. It doesn’t matter who is the giver and who is the receiver, but acceptance of one’s general tendency will guarantee more spark in the bedroom. If both partners are sexually well balanced, then roleplay will be necessary to ward off a passionless sex life.

"Now we are ready to move to the next stage, grounded in this mutual respect and equality, but celebrating the sexual and spiritual passions inherent in the masculine/feminine polarity."*

*The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida

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Wednesday, March 21, 2012


How much should the innocence of children be valued and how much should we protect them from our escalating sexualised culture? I began to ponder this question after a facebook conversation about a 're-touching' service being routinely offered with primary school photos triggered a flood of protest (mine included).

The Kids Free 2B Kids  manifesto states that "Childhood is recognised as a time of innocence, playfulness, fun and spontaneity. Children should be able to develop at their own pace, without undue pressure and influence from mass media marketing and advertising."

Childhood itself is a relatively modern concept. Only since the seventeenth century when families shifted to smaller groups did we begin to support the experience of the individual child. Prior to that, children were perceived as participants in adult society. The important boundary was not between child and elder, but dependent and master. Today, childhood is increasingly disconnected from the remainder of society and extolled.

Citing innocence as society's most valuable asset may, inadvertently, be the reason why we fetishise and sexualise children. Organisations like Kids Free 2B Kids and other modern moral groups idealise the vision of innocence that is attributed to children. The child has become the most forbidden (and therefore most highly prized) fruit of adult sexuality. Our fascination with innocence and its coexistence within a sexual culture that values vulnerability is reflected in modern advertising, music and children's products.

Today, children are increasingly captured by popular culture as consumers and objects of desire. The child represents freedom from the constraints of society - the carefree existence that we are denied. Whilst adults are afflicted with guilt about our craving for more, more, more and the sticky web of obligation that is its consequence (career, prestige, mortgage etc.), our children have become 'desire free objects of desire'.

When I was growing up, kids were free to run around the streets for most of the day as long as they were home for dinner - their presence was more of an irritation than a celebration. It was foreign to our parents to view us as objects of lust and fascination - hence the freedom. It wasn't until the dreaded paedophile pervaded the public consciousness that we were observed through a different lens. 

(One of Bill Henson's photographs labeled 'revolting' by Prime Minister Kevin Rudd).

Now children are protected, sheltered and watched vigilantly for signs of overt sexuality in case it invites unwanted attention. We are seeing the policing of 'good' (innocent) children and 'bad' (those who threaten it by recognising their sexuality). We're watching our children through the eyes of the paedophile and, unwittingly, doing what we are paradoxically guarding against. We sexualise and fetishise.

(Witchery were labeled "Corporate Paedophiles" for their 8Fourteen campaign).

Germaine Greer says that "After centuries of conditioning the female into the perpetual girlishness called femininity, we cannot remember what femaleness is." Fed on a diet of youth, slenderness, 'pretty' vaginas, lustrous, silky locks (on our heads), big, wide eyes and ruby-red lips, women aspire to child-like proportions with adult-like fuckability. No wonder the actual child is coveted.

(Jenna Jameson, America's most famous porn star, Katy Perry and Barbie).

If our moral indignation is a reflection of our own participation in a vain, cashed up, youth obsessed consumer culture, then we owe it to our children to let them become adults rather than letting 'children be children'. We need them to understand that their perspective is different to an adult's and help them navigate our sexed up society so they can protect themselves against it.

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