Friday, July 30, 2010
IF YOU'VE NEVER HAD AN ORGASM....
...you probably feel like you’re the only one. Although not common, many women that come into Passionfruit talk about their inability to achieve orgasmic pleasure.
Although it’s not my place to ask if there’s an obvious reason, more than likely, there’s an underlying issue. The fact that these women have sought answers, whether it be through books, dvd’s, vibrators or just talking about it to me, shows that a willingness to overcome their difficulty is a positive step and one that should reap rewards.
As a shop owner and not a counsellor, my first recommendation is always to begin learning about the body through masturbation. Often, a lack of self exploration is the sole reason why women aren’t achieving the sexual response they desire. Learning about your body and understanding its mysteries and delights is the most important step in one’s quest toward orgasm.
For many women, masturbation is a no go. For whatever reason, a sense of shame and embarrassment doesn’t allow the required surrender of body and mind. (This is the time I often recommend a glass or two of wine).
But there’s just no getting around it! At a time when you feel relaxed and comfortable, lie back and start playing. Part the vaginal lips and feel the silky texture of the vulva. Move one finger around and get used to what your body feels like. Enjoy the feeling of your self for as long as you can then practise, practise, practise. You will begin to start noticing what feels good and what is less pleasurable. Concentrate on what responds to your touch and stick with it.
If you like, you can introduce a vibrator to increase sensation. The brilliant Lelo clitoral stimulators have had great success amongst women who haven’t been able to climax before. I’m sure it’s because of its aesthetically pleasing form, discreet design and beautiful texture. Beauty is an emotional tool that can directly influence our physical responses.
There are so many books that can help too. My personal favorites are The Elusive Orgasm by Vivienne Cass, I Love Female Orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller and Becoming Orgasmic by Julia Heiman (also available on ‘hands free’ dvd).
Once you have practised, and hopefully achieved orgasm, you can begin to experiment with your partner and subtly instruct them on how to play with your body. Most lovers will be ecstatic to learn the finer art of lovemaking. The gift of pleasure is priceless.
The ability to orgasm can be difficult, especially when there are so many mental hurdles to jump. The longer it goes on, the more elusive it can become so it’s important to begin now and just go for it. Love your self.
(A wonderful website to visit - http://dodsonandross.com/sexfeature/first-time-orgasm)