Passionfruit The Sensuality Shop

10 Sexy Things To Do In The Holidays

2012-01-05T02:57:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

I hope you're having a wonderful break, you're relaxed, you're happy and ready for new adventures.

If you have a lover but you're too full, lazy or hot to think up some erotic hanky panky for yourselves, feel free to take a few suggestions from me.

Some are free and others require a few $$$.

There's sure to be more than one you'll love!

1. Have a good old outdoor roll in the hay - wear appropriate clothing (floaty skirts, stretchy underwear) and be daring.

2. Dress up - buy yourself a naughty costume or some very sexy bedroom attire. No-one can dress up for your man but you, so give him the gift of your sexy as hell bod.

3. Leave a note, but make it erotically suggestive. Alternatively, go all out and be raunchy and explicit. Either way, it will have you thinking about one another all day. Slip it in to each other’s car, lunchbox, bag, or leave it on the pillow.

4. Go parking - ride around together (her in thigh high fishnets and killer heels, he in stretchy shorts and t-shirt) and look for a place to make out. Make sure you go all the way!

5. Cook up a fantasy dinner - buy yourself a sexy maid outfit and start planning and writing a menu. For each course you will have an accompanying action - (eg. starter - oysters and hand job under the table, main - pasta matriciana and fellatio over the chair, dessert - sticky date pudding and doggy style sex over the couch). Cook, serve and follow through in your 'do me' outfit.

6. If you're not one to trim the bush, give yourself a neat, barely there shave. A change can work wonders.

7. Set the scene with some bondage gear - blindfold, tie-ups and spanker - and take turns being Master and Slave. Do everything the other orders you to.

8. If you haven’t tried the We-Vibe 11, do yourself a favour and buy it. Cheaper than a night out and loads more fun.

9. Settle yourselves into bed with an erotic book of short stories and read to one another each night. Intellectual foreplay of the best kind.

10. Building the anticipation makes for the sweetest, most intense sex of all. Send naughty messages and pictures to each other when you’re apart to intensify your mutual hunger.

Making sure that your lover knows your thinking about them and that the thought of them is making you hotter than beach sand in summer, is a sure way to keep the passion burning bright.

Happy holidays!

(All pictures courtesy of Les Toil)

THE FUTURE CLAUS

2011-12-22T02:51:00.000-08:00

As is usual at this time of year, my mind turns to new beginnings, resolutions, plans and dreams of the future. Never though, has the past seemed so distant, so dark and out-dated, and the present so altogether outlandish and futuristic - like we're on our own version of The Starship Enterprise. Life is spinning as a whirling dervish - faster and faster - but to what end? With so much available to us with just a click, a command or a magical caress, it feels as though anything that can now be imagined or desired can be, almost instantly, willed into existence.

"Make it so." (Captain Kirk)

Philosophers and New Age thinkers argue that life and reality are idea and possibility realised. Although I adhere to this train of thought, never has it felt so completely and empirically true. A tender touch of the screen and you're shopping in London or inside a home in Peru. Technology and it's rapid, creative and unlimited advance has 'made it so': the idea has been realised. So why manifest a parking spot, a cloud or a feather when there are waterfalls, mountains, abundance and freedom begging?

"The human mind has first to construct forms, independently, before we can find them in things." Einstein

Already, social media is transforming the lives of our most unhappy and disaffected citizens. The Middle East is imagining and creating a new freedom and future for itself this minute. 1 in 5 Africans have access to the internet - more knowledge at their fingertips than any of the world’s leaders had just 15 years ago. Maybe it’s today's solstice or the imminent New Year, but possibilities, dreams and imaginings seem suddenly attainable. The veil between the idea and the reality is disappearing.

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." Einstein

It is as though the past is another world, another planet and those of us here now are creating a new future with just our imaginations. We are creating great wonders with our longing and creativity. Overcoming bigger problems of hunger, freedom, corruption and suffering seems achievable. With just our intent we can abolish all that has no place in our new, future dreamscape.

“Don’t be evil.” Google

If we assume that intent does in fact form reality, then we have a responsibility to project love and not hate. We must beam in to our world beauty not ugliness and foster forgiveness not revenge, gratitude not greed, compassion not bitterness. Christmas is a time of good will. It is our collective good will and creativity, not money or committees or politics, that will transform our world into Paradise on Earth.

"Thy will be done on earth,

As it is in heaven."

The Lord's Prayer

MERRY CHRISTMAS

All paintings by Salvador Dali

An Angry Woman's Rant

2011-12-08T20:58:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot about Angry Women. It all began when I read The Millennium Trilogy by Stieg Larsson last year. The undeniable, mad eyed glee I felt mixed with a little bit of hysterical guilt when the heroine Lisbeth Salander seriously kicked arse was such a 'Fuck Yeah!' moment that I’ve been seriously wondering about it ever since. I mean, should I really feel so deliriously and deliciously delighted when Bjurman gets a huge dildo shoved up his arse and 'I AM A SADISTIC PIG AND A RAPIST' tattooed on his torso? Ohh sweet, guilt free revenge. Larsson delivered it and I sucked on it lovingly, swallowed it deeply and let it satiate my anger.

You see, anger, rage and fury are so much a part of my happy, mild mannered existence that I have to question why that dichotomy is so seemingly normal and acceptable within me. I dare say, my fury was first aroused with my love of walking - again a sweet paradox. From Prep through to Year 12, I walked to and from school every day as well as taking long strolls with my dog every night after school.

But as a girl and a woman, walking the streets requires a steely, watchful, ready to defend yourself fury. When I was pregnant I stopped walking by myself altogether because I felt too vulnerable, completely unable to protect myself or run if a situation presented itself. Infuriating!

When you're alone on a long walk with not many people around, the constant state of alertness morphs in to anger. The scenarios that present themselves in your mind and your reaction to them (uppercut to the nose, an eye gouge, a ball breaking knee to the groin for example) forces your state of being into a subdued level of anxiety. Consequently, you are left in a state of rage because your nice peaceful morning walk has been ruined.

I've never been attacked, but I've been flashed many times, had cars slow down and ask if I'd like a ride, had my vagina felt up after being asked if I had the time (to put me off guard), seen a guy masturbating on the riverbank in Richmond and asked to look at a guys dick when I was walking home after school in Grade 2 (I was so scared that I did and then told him where I lived)!!! One old guy used to wank every morning on his balcony as I walked passed his house on my way to school. Lisbeth Salander is a heroine because she represents my fury and follows its course, with stunning, lip smacking violence.

I had a similar feeling of hysterical glee when I bought a book called Kung Fu For Girls by Simon Harrison. His self defense manoeuvres leave you feeling cat-got-the-cream satisfied. Here's an example called ‘Your Butt is a Weapon’.

"You suddenly are grabbed from behind, and a man tries to drag you away. If he puts his hand over your mouth to stop you from screaming, bite his fingers. Repeatedly stomp on his foot till you get the desired reaction. Grind your heel down his shin. Then slam your elbows into his ribs.
The next move is quite a revelation. Your butt is a weapon! Lift your arms in a rapid arc to snap his grip, and slam your buttocks backward into his gonads. He will double over and lose balance. This technique looks a bit like a silly '60's dance move, but it works.
Stick your arms out like chicken wings, and spin around to deliver a reverse elbow strike to the head or neck. If you've bumped him back out of range, move in quickly to finish him off with a kick to the knee or groin. Just pick your targets until he's writhing on the floor in pain, no longer a threat."

Deep breath - exhale - yeaaaaah!

The book is full of kick arse moves that take no prisoners. You don't run or scream or tell, you damage, debilitate and humiliate. There's always a final, painful blow - maybe even a chance to douse him with your beer - to inflict on the thug and complete the move. Like Salander, Harrison’s defense and retribution techniques give us power and independence without the guilt.

When I had self defense classes at 17, it was a revelation to understand that I wasn't as helpless as I thought. The ensuing confidence and independence was the most thrilling feeling I’ve ever had. It liberated me from what I’ve always known - that, as a woman, I am the ultimate underdog. A female’s life begins with this knowledge - bestowed or otherwise - and it's trajectory is controlled by it. Armed with this knowledge, women modulate almost every response, consciously or not. Whether it is playground harassment, a teacher's favour, daddy's approval, career climbing or simply socialising, a woman must measure a man's feelings toward her and decide if they are just and that she is secure.

Alone in a room with a male employer, an equal or a subordinate, a female will always be the underdog. And it is this fact that ignites the fury of woman. As the underdog, a woman has to use intuition, guile, aggression, beauty, intelligence, wit, sex and fury to survive. Beauty and sex, no doubt, appear to be winning. Intelligence, wit and fury don't work as effectively, after all we only get paid well if we are a hooker or a stripper. (Best rates around). Armed with a taser gun, some kick arse moves and best of all, no guilt, Salander (ie. all of us) can assuage our rage and exact revenge. And it feels fucking awesome.

Angry, aggressive women are generally laughed at, demeaned, ridiculed or treated with horror and disgust. Bjork’s airport incident is described on youtube as a “Classic scene where singer Bjork goes insane and strikes and attacks a reporter in the airport.” Women are taught to be forgiving, not to seek revenge and to let the (paternalistic) law exact retribution. Lisbeth Salander says ‘Fuck That’ and takes back her feminine power. And we ride with her on some bastard’s Harley with near ecstatic relish.

It’s interesting that it took self proclaimed feminist Stieg Larsson, a man and not an underdog, to create Lisbeth. His partner, Eva Gabrielsson, concluded a recent speech by referring to him as "the man who loved women", neatly inverting the title of the first book in the trilogy, published in English as 'The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo', but known in Sweden and most of Europe as 'The Man Who Hates Women'. I think Eva loved him fiercely.

An In-Depth Debate About Depression (Using Fridge Magnets)

2011-11-28T21:07:00.001-08:00

A quarter of all American women ages 40 to 59 are

currently taking anti-depressants.

One third of those women are NOT clinically diagnosed with depression.

(They're just unhappy)

The truth is, most of us take some form of drug to get through life's ups and downs.

So what's wrong with a bit of Soma?

Transhumanists believe that pain relief of the mind is the future.

If we had a pill to make us happy combined with a greater capacity for learning, love, empathy and emotional depth, would we continue to evolve?

The Hedonistic Imperative

outlines how "states of sublime well-being are destined to become the genetically pre-programmed norm of mental health."

*******

Hmmm. I started out mildly outraged at the number of (mostly women) taking anti-depressants until I remembered just how much I like to sedate myself with alcohol most evenings.

Thinking about anti-depressants and their popularity has inspired me to consider the meaning of life, our emotional and spiritual evolution, the role that drugs have in relation to our well being, the race toward perfection and how that too, can erode our happiness.

If the future is a world where, like physical pain, suffering is abolished, will we be better off?

My first instinct was to scream NO, but maybe the answer is YES.

Future happiness pills may not turn us into Aldous Huxley's catatonic conformists but into richer and more highly evolved 'transhumans'.

An evolution of consciousness.

What do you think?

Hypnotherapy and Resistance to Sexual Pleasure

2011-11-28T11:00:00.000-08:00

There are many ways to explore the root of one's resistance to sexual pleasure. Recently I spoke to Tanishka, a tantrica whose approach to healing and enlightenment is through spiritual practice. Today I ask a Melbourne hypnotherapist, Jenni Selwood, about her work with women for whom sexual pleasure remains elusive.
Some women find it difficult to masturbate themselves to orgasm and others, while they have little trouble self pleasuring, cannot fully relax enough to experience orgasm with a partner.
When there is resistance to sexual pleasure, relationships suffer and sexual confidence and power is eroded.

You're a hypnotherapist working in Melbourne.

Yes, I'm a Hypnotherapist and Psychotherapist based in Carlton. I studied Clinical Hypnotherapy 11 years ago and have since been using Hypnotherapy as the main modality of my practice. Prior to that, I worked as a Counseling and Group therapapy for 9 years.

Why specialize in sexual issues?

Specializing in sexual issues was actually something that virtually fell into my lap. I remember really enjoying studying sexually related issues but didn't initially specialize in this field. I have a strong practice where I work mainly with women (and a small number of men) who have over-eating disorders and weight related self esteem problems. Consequently this lead onto sex therapy as the majority of clients feel inhibited regarding theirs bodies in a sexual manner as well as weight being a major contributor in sexual dysfunction.

Is your work primarily with women or do you see men too?

The majority of my clients are women. Probably around 98 percent. I do see men for self esteem, weight and other issues but refer on for sexual dysfunction.

What kinds of issues inhibit our ability to be sexually confident?

The most common issue I come across in regards to sexual confidence is weight and body issues as well as early childhood programming, stress and lack of confidence. I also see quite a number of clients who have experienced trauma and abuse which effects their ability to trust and therefore relax their inhibitions.

How much hypnotherapy do people generally need for it to be successful?

The majority of people have major change after only a few sessions of Hypnotherapy but many decide to continue on even after that as they find it a really enjoyable experience and become quite enthusiastic in regards to their personal evolution.

If you don't know why you have resistance, can you still help or do you need a clear idea of why a person is holding back?

One of the great things about Hypnotherapy is the client can have virtually no conscious knowledge as to why they are experiencing sexual dysfunction or inhibitions and with as little as one session, their life, experiences and behaviors become clear and make way for change and freedom.
When using Hypnotherapy, the client delves deep into their sub-conscious mind. The sub-conscious mind is the driver of our life in regards to how we feel about things, what we believe etc. and therefore in that deep state, we are open to change, realizations and catharsis.

I get brilliant feedback from my clients. Out of well over 2000 clients I can only remember 2 off hand which haven't been able to relax enough to allow hypnosis to work. With both those clients, I then used another form of psychotherapy which suited them more appropriately.

Thank you Jenni.

Hypnotherapy is such a fascinating subject and I've always been interested in the way in which it can unlock parts of our subconscious and help us to improve our lives. Most of us I think, have issues that hold us back from being the best we can be in all aspects of our lives, and naturally, it's the things we aren't aware of that are so difficult to change. In fact, I'm so fascinated, I'm going to ask Jenni for some hypnosis myself and see what might be holding me back from superstardom. Stay tuned!

Fantasy And The Sexual Psyche

2011-11-20T18:23:00.001-08:00

Do you use fantasy to enhance your sexual experience, to bring you to orgasm? Many of us aren’t so sure about the role fantasy can and should play within our relationships. The very nature of our erotic imagination and what it may reveal, can make us uncomfortable, confused and guilty. Yet our fantasies reflect a deep well of sexual psychology and when examined, can unlock and free our true erotic nature.

By its very definition, fantasy (that which is improbable or unrealistic) is a forbidden landscape of sexual desire. When lust collides with taboo it releases us, and the goal - orgasm - is achieved. It is within the mind that we can be fully realised sexually, yet there can be a measure of guilt within that realisation. When we explore the strange, taboo, ‘abnormal’ realm of fantasy - the fantasy that brings us to orgasm - we can begin to understand our unique sexual psyche. "It is the mind that carries the genesis of sexual life, inhibits us from orgasm or releases us."

Nancy Friday, suggests that fantasy and masturbation are very closely tied, and that for women, masturbation without fantasy is rare. It is from our very earliest experience of our sexual self that fear, the forbidden, anger and the desire for control are born. "Fantasy is where the sexual drive does battle with the opposing emotions, the selection of which comes out of our individual lives, our earliest sexual histories. What were the forbidden feelings we took in as we grew?"

Even if we were brought up to love our bodies and feel no guilt, we have generations of judgement, fear, guilt and suppression in our collective subconscious. We may feel that we are sexually liberated, yet the majority of us, men and women, still feel embarrassed buying a sex toy for example - admitting that we masturbate and able to provide our own pleasure.

Where once, not so long ago, masturbation was considered ‘bad’, today women must contend with mental shame associated with their genitals. Women are still being taught that their vulvas aren’t pretty enough or clean enough and pornographic images are endlessly photoshopped so they don’t have to see their intrinsic ‘ugliness’. Men are reminded that they have to be well endowed, have warrior like endurance and be able to satiate the most demanding partner.

It is fantasy that lifts us above our fear of reprisals and guilt and into the forbidden interior world that is our own sexual psyche.

Within our relationships, the use of fantasy to give us sexual release can still fill us with shame and remorse. We believe that it should be our partner who provides satisfaction and climax, not ourselves. Fantasy and masturbation disempower our lovers and give us a measure of sexual autonomy. It is that autonomy, the power of our deep erotic nature that can threaten us.

The beauty of a rich fantasy life, is that it allows us to explore the limits or our true erotic nature. When we examine our inner sexual landscape, we are given the tools to understand ourselves more fully and free ourselves from society’s rules. We are fuller and more whole, able to give of ourselves more truly to our lovers and richly rewarded with a deeper sexual life.

All quotes from Women On Top, by Nancy Friday
Images by Jan Saudek

Day 21 Blog # A Few Of My Favourite Things

2011-11-15T04:44:00.001-08:00

Tongue, mouth, muff and scrotum 
labia, cock, nipples and breasts 
are a selection of certain body parts 
that feel lovely when caressed 
 
Spunk, jism, juices and belly 
cuffs, lubricant and fist 
condoms, hips and slapping 
are others on the list 
of particular words 
and various terms 
that bring a rise in vaginal lubrication 
and the active movement of sperm 
 
Penis, member, dick and prick 
shaven, bushy, flaps and candlestick 
are others that cum to mind 
with the subject matter in kind 
 
Bondage, tied, fingered and pried 
tugging, stroking, being eaten alive 
lubricant, foreskin, clitoral hood 
rock hard erection, tight buns 
and good wood 
 
Anus, orgasm, ejaculate, spank 
bum, lips, pudenda 
having a wank 
 
Legs akimbo 
sixty nine 
mound of venus 
spread eagled 
doggy style 
reverse cowgirl 
missionary 
or illegal 
 
With a partner 
or alone 
in an orgy 
via phone 
 
Over lunch 
over dinner 
with a loser 
with a winner 
 
Trans Atlantic 
Trans Pacific 
buzzcut bikie femme butch dyke 
or fairly non-specific 
 
In the evening 
or the morning 
hours of foreplay 
or without warning 
 
These are a few of my favorite things

Day 20 Blog # Crunch That Pelvic Floor!

2011-11-13T17:11:00.001-08:00

Today I'm interviewing Michelle Wright of Mishfit because so many of us need to understand the importance of a strong pelvic floor and she's the expert! Read her amazing, scary, 'uplifting' story and see if it doesn't motivate you.

What has inspired you to specialise in pelvic floor issues?

I had one birth with lots of intervention and the other was a C- section. Both were fairly big babies… yet my pelvic floor survived (knowing what I know now, I think this is rather amazing!). But it was re-joining the gym and believing my body was like it was pre-natally and the fitness professionals never telling me any different, that nearly pushed me to prolapse. I decided to change career from teacher to a Body Pump instructor, but having to wear incontinence pads on stage forced me to take stock of my own body and finally get help. When I did, the advice was not to exercise "so hard", otherwise I would be having surgery for my failing pelvic floor.

Being a single mum and with my family living overseas, I could not even contemplate having the surgery or going through the post-operative care on my own with two small children. And I was embarrassed. I thought I was the only one! So I endeavoured to find out more about my own body and how I could sort it out without having surgery. What I learnt along the way astounded me! I learnt that in the class of mums that I exercised with at the gym most mornings, one-third of us would have been leaking. Yet we never spoke of it. I also learnt that incorporating pelvic floor during exercise meant that I didn't have to give up the exercise I loved and it helped me to attain what I really wanted — a flat belly. I also really enjoyed the positive side effect of stronger orgasms and a stronger pelvic floor made sex much more enjoyable for my partner. A weak pelvic floor is not just the prerogative of the post-natal or elderly. 50% of all women aged 50 and under, regardless of whether they have had children will suffer from some form of pelvic floor disfunction. This equates to about 4.8 million women in Australia

Yet it was almost like this most fabulous knowledge to remedy my own situation had been kept from me! Why didn't people tell me?! I figured, as embarrassing as it was to admit to my own pelvic floor issues, I needed to in order to start the conversation. Based on this personal experience I continued my training, became a Personal Trainer and created mishfit to become a leader in the pregnant and post-natal exercise field. Interestingly a few years later, I went back to my course work and text books to find a diagram of pelvic floor and found there was none. The reason that fitness professionals omit to tell you about pelvic floor (and safe exercise options to go with it) is that they are not taught that it is a muscle. Yet it is the only muscle responsible for keeping our insides up and inside and it is missing from all training!

You're becoming more well known for your work on pelvic floor exercise. What does it feel like knowing that when people think of you they start clenching?

I love it! I love it! I love it! But what I always remind them is that they are probably doing their short sharp little holds. These are fabulous and important for sneezes, coughs and laughter. But you must also make the time for the longer holds… this means that you won't have to navigate your world via where toilets are. It also gives you time to find your keys, open the door and get to the loo or even making it to the end of the movie.
Meet me and clench away :)

What are the benefits of pelvic floor exercise?

I think this can simply be answered:-
1) stop you leaking wee or poo
2) increase your time of "holding on"
3) longer, stronger orgasms (what's not to love about that one!)
4) a flatter tummy
5) support for your lower back or give reprieve from any pelvic instability (or commonly called pelvic girdle pain)

Those women we've all seen throwing ping pong balls out of their vaginas, do they have awesome muscle tone?

Ah, I think yes. On the other end of the scale, I have clients who are unable to hold a tampon inside (it literally falls out).

I've heard that geishas could insert ben wah balls and roll them around and around a man's penis when he was inside her. Is that true?

I am not sure about that personally… but it sounds like lots of fun… do you sell them @ Passionfruit? (Yes)

What about prolapse? It's very common yet we don't hear much about it.

You are so right - you don't hear much about prolapse… unless your sister, mother or yourself has experienced it. Unfortunately, this is a much more common event than you think - with the latest statistics being about 4 out of 10 women being affected post natally. A prolapse is when parts of your inside (held up by your pelvic floor) fall through the pelvic floor. Interestingly, surgery obviously can "fix" it, but research has shown that prolapse will re-occur if significant changes are not made to lifestyle. This can mean a whole range of things from obesity, smoking (therefore coughing more than the average person), constipation, and age (gravity sucks) will all add extra downward pressure on the pelvic floor. Or exercising incorrectly. The pelvic floor is like every other muscle in the body: if we don't exercise it, it will grow slack and not be able to support and adequately do the job it was designed to do.
It also doesn't help that we are constantly told to engage our core, but without adequate understanding of the mechanics. Many women just suck their tummies in, and therefore increase the downward pressure! A good rule of thumb is when you hear core, understand it as "floor" and draw up before sucking in.

I am releasing a double CD called Active Pelvic Practice - the gift of inner strength that is all about exercising pelvic floor to embrace all those positive side effects mentioned above. One is a meditative CD, designed to be listened to in bed before going to sleep to help not only relax the body, but also isolate and exercise pelvic floor muscle contraction. It is very easy to drift off to sleep afterwards.
The second CD is about active practice and is designed to be used while sitting or standing and then as you get more confident you can use it as you do other things, such as housework, walking, working out at the gym. The beauty of this CD is that is a mere 10 minutes long and very easily to be incorporated into every day life. Using your pelvic floor should be a functional exercise. An example of functional exercise is a squat when you bend down to pick up the washing basket and activating your pelvic floor at the same time. A much cheaper and healthy alternative to surgery!

For more information please follow the updates on www.facebook.com/mishfit

Thanks Mish. I hope you're all encouraged to start on a pelvic floor exercise program today!

To help you along, Mish and I are giving away one of her new Active Pelvic Practice CD's and a set of Lelo Luna Balls from Passionfruit - a wonderful weight system designed to improve pelvic muscle tone.
(VALUE $120.00)

Email me at pfruit@bigpond.net.au with the subject title
Pelvic Practice Competition
for your chance to WIN.
Entries close 31st December 2011.
Good luck!

Day 19 Blog # Choose Your Weapon

2011-11-12T20:51:00.001-08:00

There's an overwhelming feeling, like being a kid in a candy store, that engulfs many women who try to choose a vibrator.
Whether it's for the first time, the tenth time or just the longest time, the choices are so varied that she might feel like giving up and remaining a toy virgin, and that would be a shame.
Fear no more girlfriends because here's my tried and true method for finding your best buddy, but be warned - it's easier than you think so there's really no excuse.

The secret is that there's really only three types of vibrators.

1. Clitoral Stimulators

2. Internal Shafts

3. Dual Action Vibrators (clitoral stimulator and shaft together)

All you have to do, is figure out which one is going to suit your needs best.

(Just kidding)

So what does it for You?

If you're wanting to have some fun on your own, there's nothing like a good clitoral stimulator - they really work much better than your own fingers. They're also great to use during sex to help you have that rare, simultaneous orgasm with your partner, or just to enhance the feeling of penetration. Of all the millions of vibrators available, the clitoral stimulator is my number one choice for most girls.

My favourite clitoral stimulators (1) are:-

a) 7 Deadly Sins - not the prettiest, but affordable, SUPER strong and very effective.
b) Bullet - no pesky wires, strong, discreet and cheap.
c) Siri - rechargeable (just like your phone), strong, multi-speed and very pretty.

Sometimes, just an internal vibrator hits the spot. A single girl who hasn't got her own penis to penetrate her might crave only that. Of course luckily, a good vibrating shaft can be used externally as well to satisfy the demanding clitoral bud. A simple vibrating shaft, or non-vibrating dildo also has the added bonus of being the extra penis during sex play. Your partner might love to fuck you with a dildo and watch 'another man' do the business! Excellent for fantasy and role play!

My favourite internal shafts (2) are:-

a) Calla - rechargeable, delectably pink, soft and pretty yet strong as an ox and has the added bonus of a flanged base so it butts up against the clitoris.
b) Gigi - rechargeable, shaped to target the G-Spot and has a nice flat, wide tip for clitoral play. It's hard and inflexible.
c) Sunrise - soft, smooth silicone, nice average proportions, lots of speeds and rhythms and affordable.

The dual action vibrator satisfies the most demanding of us all - when only internal penetration plus clitoral stimulation will do. The traditional 'rabbit' style vibrators have long been a girls' best friend but nowadays there are so many superior styles on the market, they really make the rabbits look like fossils.

My favourite dual action vibrators (3) are:-

a) Mini Salsa - it's small (but that doesn't matter because it targets the nerve centres), rechargeable, silicone smooth, soft and it's very cute!
b) Soraya - it looks like an Alessi appliance, it's rechargeable, waterproof and gorgeous.
c) Senseii - if you love a rabbit, then this one is the best because it's made of silicone so it's super soft where others are forceful and rigid. The rabbit 'ears' flutter like tongues on your clitoris in a delightfully heavenly manner.

There are many variations of these three types of vibrators, and then of course there are all sorts of fun novelties like vibrating cock rings, remote controlled eggs, butt toys and non vibrating dildos made of silicone, glass and stainless steel. But for a good trusty toy that will do it for you every time, take these three types of toys into consideration and choose your weapon.

Illustrations are by Betty Dodson, America's Number 1 Sex Educator.

Day 18 Blog # The Feted & The Hated

2011-11-11T17:16:00.001-08:00

Our Nurses

Devalued (poorly paid) : Idealised

Our Prostitutes

Valued (well paid) : Vilified

Our Icons

Valued (well paid) : Idealised

Our Youth

Confused

Day 17 Blog # My Top Three Porno's

2011-11-10T22:30:00.000-08:00

It's got to be one of the questions I get asked the most: "What's a good porno?"
Here's my top three.

1. An Open Invitation, A Real Swingers Party In San Francisco (Private Independent 02) - DVD

Private aren't usually one of my favourite purveyors of porn, tending to be all about HIM - fake boobs, formulaic sex and hours of pumping with the typical money shot at the end. BORING!
'An Open Invitation' however has definite couples appeal, combining storyline, natural actors, hot sex scenes and great locations - the last being an actual swingers party in San Francisco. Fabulous!
Women love this dvd because it's hardcore without being aimed at men only. Too many 'women friendly' porno's are just too soft or too cheesy.
This one ticks all the boxes and stands as a Passionfruit fave.

2. Street Heat 1 (Joybear) - DVD

You could call this the ABC of porn as opposed to the Foxtel. The British love of 'natural' as opposed to the hyper-reality loved by Americans works a treat for the porn genre. 'Streetheat' combines innocence and sex in just the right measure and delivers realistic, believable scenarios. Here, the Streetheat crew stop some very pretty girls on the streets of London and persuade them to become stars in their own porno. It's irresistibly voyeuristic with an unbeatable mix of amateur sex and professional production.

3. Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide To Female Orgasms (Vivid Ed) - DVD

Tristan Taormino is this great mix of nerdy looking American sex educator and super hard core, feminist porn star. I love her!
Ms Taormino doesn't don the 'expert' moniker for nothing. She gives a wholly educational, explicit, no-holes-barred, sensual and straightforward program designed to teach you how to have orgasms and improve them. Her honest instruction utilises diagrams, a handmade velvet anatomical interpretation and best of all, five couples who show the viewer exactly how it's done. It's not gratuitous or overdone, the models are natural and open, and the information is clear, precise, inclusive and helpful. Some of our favourite sex toys, such as the We-Vibe and the Pure Wand are featured as tools to improve lovemaking and showcase the stunning diversity of female orgasm. Excellent.

Day 16 Blog # And My Third Liebster Award Goes To....

2011-11-09T18:38:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I was given a Liebster Award for blogging.
Upon being bestowed with the award, the blogger (me) should then nominate three more blossoming bloggers they admire.
Embarrassingly, I could only think of two!
Today I proudly announce my third nomination.

Daniella Germaine and her blog 'And Now I Am Broke'.

This is a very sweet blog created by a Melbourne girl who spent her last $300.00 on a pair of Camper boots. I have to say, she got me on that first, very revealing, fun little fact. I immediately saw a lot of myself in Daniella Germaine, having spent most of the money I've ever earned on that which makes me happy (as opposed to wealthy).

I'm in love with the notion that life is a journey and you never really know where you're going to end up. I think Daniella has captured that feeling by tracing the consequences of her $300.00 purchase in such a whimsical way.

Check out her blog and smile at all the things she does to fill up her life.
When I make my next ridiculous purchase, I'm going to think of Daniella and remember that it's money well spent.

Bay 15 Blog # A Poem Just Because I Love Them

2011-11-08T19:43:00.000-08:00

She laughed with a knowing
glint in her eyes
as I talked of whorls and whirls,
short skirt
and leather knee high boots
She was that kind of girl

I met her in a bar
down in old Denyo
she bought me a drink
looked me over and said
" come on , let's go "

The drift of her mind
blew gently through mine
as she,
smiled a rose
slowly unfurling it's petals
to the sun

Her skin was alabaster - snow
my being was on fire
the liquid that trickled between our bodies
molten with desire

We did it left
we did it right
we did it upside down
we did it for one hour straight
with our feet never touching the ground

And as our flesh heaved and meshed furiously
she maintained eye contact somewhat curiously
an ethereal sprite
tuned to another calling
engrossed in the moment
yet somehow falling
away

There's a crack in the can
where the rust has eaten through
it lets in shafts of sunlight
that no longer get to you
no longer does it hold content
and neither more do you

Day 14 Blog # Resistance to Sexual Pleasure

2011-11-07T19:01:00.000-08:00

Most of us are lucky enough to orgasm easily and often, but for others, it can be elusive.
Some women find it difficult to masturbate themselves to orgasm and others, while they have little trouble self pleasuring, cannot fully relax enough to experience orgasm with a partner.
When there is resistance to sexual pleasure, relationships suffer and sexual confidence and power is eroded.
There are many ways to explore the root of one's resistance to sexual pleasure, and in today's blog, I'm talking to Tanishka who works as a 'tantrica' and helps women and couples to be more sexually open.

What is a 'tantrika'?

I heard this term & without researching what it meant, intuitively knew it described perfectly what I do, so rather than a text book description this is mine: A Tantrika practices & facilitates other's through Tantric practices. This covers a broad range of services so not every Tantrika works as a sexual healer. I work as a private Tantric coach for couples, initiating them through kundalini raising practices & increasing emotional intimacy. I give them sensual & sexual homework but we all keep our clothes on in my sessions.

How can tantra improve your sex life?

Tantra means to weave, hence the emblem of the entwined serpents. When we see our union as a temple for soul growth, we embrace practices that deepen soul to soul intimacy. When we are connected emotionally, mentally & energetically the physical dance of creativity becomes a symphony greater than any manual that focuses on individual body parts could hope to imagine. Tantra invites all our hidden aspects out to be safely explored so monogamy is never boring or predictable as so many different archetypal energies surface spontaneously to be expressed, including the masculine & feminine polarities of each partner.

In what way can your work benefit those with sexual blockages?

Where there's resistance there's fear. Where's there's numbness there's pain, such as for many women post birth trauma. I hold a safe space with both individuals & couples to journey into the psyche using whatever processes feel intuitively right such as archetypal meditations, crystal healing (non-invasive), time line regression (which can illuminate past life traumas), art therapy, even working with a yoni puppet to give women's vulvas a voice. This enables us to identify the root cause & simply hold a supported space for them to release the associated pain out of all their bodies. I then assist them in creating appropriate boundaries so they can confidently claim back their sexual power.

A goddess has no constraints. How does a woman access her 'inner goddess' and realise her full sexual potential?

Well, honestly I wrote the book I wish had been there for me! 'The Inner Goddess Makeover' which is a step by step workbook for women to meet & unveil the 7 universal aspects of the feminine psyche, which when understood & expressed unblock the life force in the 7 major chakras which they govern so a woman's Shakti (Goddess essence) awakens as an inner serpent of kundalini (life force) raising her inner light, consciousness, vitality, health, self-awareness & empowerment. (Makes Oil of Ulan look like snake oil! heh heh)

We see so many women in the media dieting and going to extreme lengths to be 'perfect'. How can women be more accepting of their looks and bodies and have more self confidence?

The media is invested in undermining women's self perception so they will spend more to 'improve' themselves. So limit your exposure to this corporate propaganda. Mute the ads, don't buy trash mags & take a book to the doctor's surgery. Secondly by attending women's empowerment workshops, red tent circles & reading books which affirm the natural beauty, strengths & wisdom of the feminine which is in all of us, regardless of our age, dress size, skin complexion, hair colour or race.

Stay tuned for my next interview with Jenni Selwood, who works as a hypnotherapist in Melbourne, specialising in sexual issues.

Day 13 Blog # A Funny Story

2011-11-07T02:01:00.000-08:00

People often remark that in my job I must hear a lot of funny stories.
"You must have loads of wild stuff to write about" they say.
In reality, most of my customers are ordinary people like you and me.

In fact, the more everyday stores I've worked in have often provided much more interesting fodder than Passionfruit.
We don't attract the seedy element because it's just not that sort of store, and we don't get much of the really out there crowd either.

As I said, the majority of people I speak to are just like me.
It's a bit of a let down I guess, that I can't regale you with tales of high sexual adventure, infidelity, menage a trois, swinging sex parties and secret rendevoux featuring treasure chests of sex toys (although that wouldn't be unusual).

Most customers are simply interested in ways to improve their sex lives and have some fun.
They talk about orgasms, g-spots, foreplay, oral sex, phone sex, old sex toys, new sex toys, porn, great sex and boring sex.
The fact is, we all have sex. It's very ordinary.
It still astounds me that something so normal is so goddamn fascinating.
Funny isn't it?

I have to say, that one of the more baffling moments came when a woman was led through the curtain in to the back room and, surrounded by a cornocopia of sex toys asked,
"Do you sell vibrators"?
Must've been a catholic.

Day 12 Blog # Love Letter

2011-11-05T21:13:00.000-07:00

I love love letters.
My (now) husband wooed me with his letters of love and longing and he can still make me swoon with his poetry 25 years later.
In fact, even his marriage proposal was a lengthy letter of love.
How could a girl resist?

At Passionfruit, I often talk to women about ways to be more creative in the bedroom - things she can do to really make her lover drool with lust for her.
Suffice to say, it isn't always that difficult.

To hold a woman in the palm of a man's hand however, takes more than mere sexual prowess (although that can count for a lot if he's completely devoted to the art).
A handful of enchanting words have the power to move, transform, draw and enfold; love that may otherwise be ephemeral.

'Love letter, love letter,
Go get her, go get her.'

When writing a woman a love letter, a man is not telling her what a brilliant organiser, superwoman, cook, mother, lover she is.
He is appealing to her most sentimental, romantic, feminine, sensuous qualities.

The best love letters let her know that he is the man and she is the woman.
She is worth crossing oceans for, hailing chariots of angels for and banishing all demons for - just to be with her, to fill her up and adore her.
A love letter transforms a mere girl, into an icon, a goddess, a woman, and gives the writer the qualities of the warrior, the champion and the protector.

The best love letters, compel a woman to understand the truth of love.
They make her remember (because she has always known it) that love is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.
In the detached, cold world of tweets and texts, it is the heartfelt, poetic ballad of longing, lust, devotion and yearning that conquers.

BRING IT ON

Day 11 Blog # Gay Marriage

2011-11-04T17:40:00.000-07:00

I am puzzled by the arguments against same sex marriage.
Confused, bewildered, nonplussed and flummoxed.
I've read many arguments for and against and I'm still mystified by it all.
None of it makes any sense.
No, gay marriage is not traditional, but my marriage isn't traditional either.
I didn't marry for social, legal or economic reasons and my father didn't choose my mate.

A MODERN MOTHER'S FAMILY
(mother at centre in pink)

(from left to right - daughter from second marriage, grandson, stepdaughter in-law, granddaughter in-law, granddaughter in-law from husband's third marriage, grandson in-law from third husband's second marriage, adopted son, gay son's son via surrogacy, first husband's second wife, daughter, my third husband's daughter, my third husband's daughter's stepson, my third husband's daughter's other stepson, my bisexual fuckbuddy and his triplets from his first marriage).

I'm pretty sure Christmas and Easter aren't celebrated in the traditional way any more either but they haven't been banned, nor will they ever be.

(nice and traditional)

Marriage isn’t for procreation any more either. Anyone can do it.

Even gay people!!!

What confuses is me most in this debate, is why our government would make it legal for gay people to have children and then endlessly debate whether or not they should let them get married as well.
See my confusion?
It’s the wrong way around. It’s not logical.

The modern reason for marriage is only love (and some legal, protective issues).

Love
Love
Love
Love

Why would anyone want to ban love?
Surely it could only be the mean spirited or the bigoted or the homophobic - and we have laws that protect us against these people, so that's confusing me too.

It's pretty widely understood that the government are afraid of the Christian right who are the leaders in the argument against same sex marriage.

(go figure)

Plenty of people, when grilled on why they don't support gay marriage, can't really explain it. They just think it's wrong - yet many religions and churches support it.

And there it is.
It all comes down to anal sex.
People can’t handle it.
When they think ‘gay’, they picture anal sex and it disturbs them.
I wonder why?
Perhaps they've either been abused and sodomised (probably by their local priest) or they have gay fantasies that they're ashamed of.
There's just no other logical explanation.
Now there's a debate to have at your next barbeque.

Day 10 Blog # Land a Lelo Lyla on your Lap

2011-11-04T02:18:00.000-07:00

WANT ONE?

Passionfruit invite you to email us with details of your night out with the new
Lelo Sensemotion Lyla
- the hot little vibrating egg that rocks around inside while your trembling lipped partner controls proceedings - for your chance to WIN (worth $159.00).
Just tell us about your wildest fantasy starring Lyla!
The winner will be notified and asked if they would like their entry published anonymously on the Passionfruit blog.
Send your entry to pfruit@bigpond.net.au with the subject 'Night with Lyla'.
Have fun!

Make sure it's better than this ridiculous video!

Competition closes December 31st 2011

Day 9 Blog # Sex & Our Changing Bodies

2011-11-03T19:50:00.000-07:00

A lot of the discussions I have with customers are about sex and our changing bodies.
Whether it be through childbirth, illness, menopause or a kaleidoscope of other issues, the changes that result can heavily impact our confidence, relationships and wellbeing.
Over the last few years, I've been involved with The Cancer Council as well as The Oncology units of many of Melbourne's hospitals.
So many cancer sufferers get little or no information on the effects that cancer and its treatments have on relationships, yet the reality is that after dealing with everything else, sex and intimacy are vital and the ramifications have to be dealt with sooner or later.

Here's a quick summary of some of the physical effects of radiation therapy as I've come to understand them.

1. Closing up of the vagina and often a complete 'gluing' together of the internal fibres.
2. Shortening of the vagina - sometimes to only an inch.
3. Severe reduction in or loss of sexual sensation.
4. Dryness, or a lack of lubrication.
5. Loss of libido.
6. Pain during sex (often due to internal scarring).
7. Having to use a colostomy bag.
8. Depression
9. Inability to achieve or sustain an erection.
10. Early onset menopause.
11. Infertility.

The thing that shocks me the most when I talk to cancer patients, is how young they are - often between 30 and 50 - beautiful bodies and lives scarred and broken.

Once you, as a survivor, have taken the step to restore your sexuality, there are a number of pathways to explore that will allow you to experiment with things you never imagined. Those who see the situation as an opportunity rather than a setback, generally achieve much better results and have a lot more fun in the process.
This is true not only of cancer patients, but of anyone who has had to deal with slight or major alterations in their ability to function sexually.

To renew intimacy and build a strong, albeit altered, sexual life, I recommend the following.

1. Massage
Both partners have undergone grief, anger and loss and both partners need nurturing, love, support and healing. Learning to massage well gives so much and opens the heart. Opening the heart is the first step toward renewing intimacy, regaining trust and acceptance of what has been lost. Sexual, erotic massage can open new pathways within body and mind, revitalize deadened nerves and heal a myriad of ills. Read books, practice regularly in a relaxed environment and use lots of beautiful, aromatic oils.

2. Tantra
Tantra is the practice of mindfulness and employs exercises that can elevate the experience of sex to a higher level. Tantra is about the journey of sex, not the destination and it is with this understanding that its use is invaluable. Using tantra can help couples enjoy sensuality when orgasm is not physically possible in the sense that we traditionally understand it. There are many wonderful books and practitioners that can help couples achieve extraordinary results. Tantra is not a quick fix, but a practice similar to yoga, that takes dedication and discipline.

3. Oils and lubricants.
NEVER underestimate the benefits of lubrication. For genital massage, try all sorts of aromatic oils, edible varieties and warming lotions. Massage candles can be extinguished and poured directly on the skin for deep relaxation and delight. Silicone lubricant is the absolute best thing you can keep in your bedside drawer. It's silky texture never gets sticky and its ability to make sex less painful and more enjoyable is undeniable. It's also excellent for massage on skin that is weakened and fine.

4. Sex Toys
Small vibrators can be used to help dilate the vagina and increase pleasure and sensation. Vaginal pumps engorge the vulva, helping with blood flow and restoring feeling. A cup with an extending tube and pump is placed over the labia and squeezed to create a vacuum. Penis pumps work in the same way and can help achieve an erection by forcing blood to the area. A ring is recommended to use immediately afterwards to help maintain the erection. If an erection is not possible, a hollow strap on penis can be used and is fun to try. There is a sex toy to suit every person and situation and you need a willingness to experiment with different varieties. Internal balls are also an excellent way to restore strength and elasticity into the vagina.

5. Adventure
Bondage and S&M can be very erotic and can ignite many fantasies and roleplays. Blindfolding and tying up are a way to heighten awareness of the body by shutting off other senses. Reading erotic literature, watching porn, dressing up, inventing scenarios and planning romantic dates are all ways to build anticipation and keep sex at the forefront of your mind.

6. Lingerie
Men love lingerie (on their partners generally). Whether it's pretty, sexy, innocent, trashy or classic, dressing for the bedroom is great fun and can hide scars and colostomy bags as well as giving confidence. Thigh high stockings and high heels can work wonders!

A fulfilling sexual life is not always restored on its own, and for many men and women, it takes time, patience, strong communication and commitment. Sometimes it's easier to think that sex is not that important in the scheme of things. If you are in a relationship, sex, intimacy and trust nourish, heal and ameliorate the trauma. If you're single, building your sexual energy revitalizes your entire body and helps to complete the process of making you whole again.

In response to the need for better information regarding sexuality post significant change, Passionfruit have created workshops designed to inform, reassure and benefit. All welcome.

All Images by David Jay Photography
The Scar Project

Day 8 Blog # The Recipe

2011-11-02T20:52:00.000-07:00

The Recipe.

Great sex and a great meal share very much in common. Both nourish the body and soul
whilst requiring a well chosen mix of the right ingredients.

A memorable meal risks becoming boring or bland if used over and over with no variation.
The same goes for a particularly good session of lovemaking with regard to positions used, location, time of day etc.

When a particular ingredient is used to excess, it may ruin what otherwise might have been delicious, for example, a slap placed too forcefully on the derriere or too much salt added to the dish.

Likewise an essential ingredient left out of a "classic" can result in a similar shortcoming, for example, a basil pesto with no garlic or a long session of cunnilingus with no attention to the clitoris.

Varying the diet and using what is in season are equally important. Asparagus in it's prime is a delight but can be woody and limp toward the end of its harvest. Ice cubes can be employed in a manner of titillating ways on a sultry Summer's day, but are not recommended
mid winter!

A slow cooked stew left simmering all day to marinate and fully extract all flavors
when time allows is so, so satisfying.
Just as a protracted lovemaking session with drawn
out foreplay employing all of your skills with a succession of peaks and troughs before
a knee trembling climax, satiates.

Sometimes fast food is just the quick fix required and is fantastically rewarding. That spontaneous ‘quickie’ before you’re both discovered can be similarly satisfying.

Experiment and improvise.
It doesn't matter if you omit one or two ingredients from a particular recipe if the circumstance does not allow.

If the outcome is far from satisfactory have a laugh, move on and create your own recipe.
In this instance resort to some good ol' comfort food like boiled eggs , a cuddle or a bit of spooning.

Bon Apetit.......

Day 7 Blog # To Come Or to Go

2011-11-01T22:15:00.000-07:00

In western culture we often use the term
"I'm coming"
to herald in the approach of an orgasm.
The announcement of an imminent arrival.

In eastern cultures the same experience is referred to as
"I'm going".
An imminent departure.

This difference has always intrigued me:
akin to the yin and yang contrast between our collective cultural experiences.

To where are we (in the West) coming and to where are they (in the East) going?
Is the physical experience any different?
Is either term closer to the real truth?

Perhaps in 'coming', we are arriving at our desired destination or goal -
'coming' into a higher, better state of being.

It could also be argued that in 'going' we are leaving one place for a better, more desirable one.
We are 'going' to reach our goal.

If we equate orgasm with transcendence (mystics have traditionally spoken of religious experiences in sexual, rapturous language and conversely, orgasm is often described in religious terms) then perhaps our cultural and spiritual beliefs can effect our experience of orgasm, just as our chosen religion can effect our experience of God.

I wonder if we could all enjoy lovemaking more if we began to see sexual ecstasy not as a destination at all - a place to which we must arrive, or a state from which we must leave - but as a state of true being.

Yes, yes, yes....

I AM

Day 6 Blog # The Imperfect Woman

2011-10-30T17:07:00.000-07:00

The Female Metamorphosis.

Recently, my friend Anita was advised to have a hysterectomy.
She's had a history of all sorts of shitty menstrual problems over the years and now that she's finished having children, it was suggested that removing her uterus might be the best option.

Anita hasn't had the hysterectomy because she's a bit freaked out. She's decided to wait and see if menopause might ease her symptoms. A cocktail of opiate based drugs have been prescribed instead.

Her doctors didn't really push for surgery and I think I know why.
Something's been smelling mighty fishy to me for some time now, the same way the increase in caesareans has aroused my suspicion.

Anita is not medically insured.

All the articles I've perused on this matter share the same findings.
Hysterectomies are performed at around twice the rate on insured women as they are on public patients yet obstetricians admit that less than 10% of those surgeries are for life threatening conditions. Publicly performed hysterectomies are labelled as 'rare'.

Gynecologists, hospitals and drug companies make more than $17B dollars a year from the business of hysterectomy.

Who is fueling the obsession. Us......or them?
The chicken or the egg?

It all just reeks to me of the current obsession we have with, what I call,

'The Imperfect Woman'

ie.

Our vaginas aren't tight enough.
(many women are asked if they want a few extra stitches post childbirth and hysterectomy).

Our boobs are too saggy, tummies too flabby, bums too big and we're too hairy.
(90% of all cosmetic surgery is performed on women).

Periods are unnecessary and problematic.
(take 'Lybrel' by Wyeth Pharmaceuticals and banish menstruation forever).

Childbirth is too painful. Babies can be surgically removed.
(Caesarian birth rates are significantly higher in private hospitals).

Why not just wrap it all up in one go and get a 'Mummy Makeover'?
(Here's an ad from a Double Bay "restorative" clinic.)

"A "“mummy make-over”" is a one stage procedure of restoring the body contour by performing a breast augmentation or lift, a tummy tuck and liposuction. A study of over 151 consecutive cases from California confirms that there is no increase in risk from combining these procedures on an outpatient surgical basis.

Many of our Australian patients fall into this category and being able to get into swimwear and wear nicer, sexier clothes without unattractive bulges, or to remove skin which is wrinkled and/or torn from pregnancy, results in patients who are more confident in themselves. Many women feel that once their children start school, it is time to treat themselves to a “mummy make-over”."

I don't wish to demonize women who elect to have hysterectomies or cosmetic procedures. The satisfaction rates are, in fact, high.

Few of us can escape the allure of a body that is beautiful, practical, simple and pain free.

Medicine has given us untold benefits.

It rewards us all, as physical and spiritual beings, to be fit, healthy, happy and educated.

It doesn't benefit us to obsess about perfection.

It doesn't exist.

Day 5 Blog # My List of Dont's

2011-10-29T21:50:00.000-07:00

A LIST OF THE 5 THINGS I WOULD NEVER DO IN BED

HA HA
GOT YOU THERE

1. Actually, I wouldn't say 'would never do', just 'could never do' any more without racking up a very large chiropractors bill. Oh well, back to yoga class.

2. 'Belladonna's Bitch Fist' for those on seriously good drugs only.
Fisting is however, often talked of in reverential tones, imbuing both giver and receiver with an entirely higher level of intimacy. When Andre Serrano's exhibition came to Melbourne about a decade ago and caused a stir with 'Piss Christ', the photograph below hardly rated a mention. Go figure!

3. Dressing up as an infant. No matter how much my partner begged, it just wouldn't happen.

4. The Golden Shower - Look, maybe in exchange for a shopping spree but 'Salirophilia' - a fetish involving the soiling or dirtying of others - out of the question. (I won't scar you with a picture).

5. Lots of people love them, but after breastfeeding for many years, I couldn't think of anything worse.

So, how about you? Anything you would never do?

Day 4 Blog # The Slap

2011-10-28T17:38:00.001-07:00

Have you been watching The Slap?
It's been a long time since I've been soooo excited about a TV show.
I race around making sure the kids are in bed, kitchen's tidy, cup of tea's ready (no mean feat) so I can greedily devour this brilliant show on ABC1. You can still watch it on iview if you've missed it.

When I read The Slap, by Christos Tsiolkas a couple of years ago, I did what everyone else did, and talked about it with shining eyes over food and drinks with friends and relatives.
I've often pondered the author's talent in taking a simple premise - in this case, corporal punishment - and turning it in to a novel of such beauty and complexity. This is a book that has sparked a million conversations, ruminations, questions and judgements. I loved it!

The success of The Slap has got me thinking about how I too can take an average modern dilemma like smacking, and turn into a bestselling novel?
Then it came to me.
Pubic hair!
It's a pretty hot topic at the moment and many of us have our own perspective on the to wax or not to wax debate. Hell I've even written a whole blog about it!
So here is the synopsis for my next novel.
Please let me know your thoughts.

THE FLAP

A small gathering of friends get together in an inner suburban Melbourne backyard one Saturday afternoon for a barbeque.
All is progressing amicably enough until Sharon, (who's a bit of a party girl) wearing a short denim mini, leans too far back in her chair toppling backwards. She lands, legs akimbo, revealing one very smoothly shaven left labia in all it's gleaming glory. She'd elected to go commando on this particular day. In that moment, which seemed to span eons, her partner and 3 couples zoomed in.
The rippling effect of this event reverberates through all witnesses, having a myriad of knock-on effects.
Carol and Steve's marriage breaks up because Steve "looked for far too long and with unbridled lust in his eyes." Carol always suspected he'd had the 'hots' for Shazza. She also took it as a personal affront to her thick bushy triangle of which she was very fond.
Michael and Evie discussed the pros and cons of shaving/waxing and experimented with surprising results.
Teri and Arnold had deep and meaningful discussions concerning the appeal of a pre-pubescent look in relation to adult sexuality and what it all meant.
Sharon and Greg continued to have fun.
Various infidelities, break ups, make ups, opinions and events intertwine and play out as a result of

THE FLAP

The butterfly flapped and the cyclone roared.

Day 3 Blog # Passionfruit's Top 3 Toys of The Year.

2011-10-27T17:40:00.000-07:00

All toys have been given points out of 10 for three criteria.
Form, Function, Fun

Number 1: Lyla by Lelo
$159.00

In number 1 spot with a score of 10/10 is the spanking new Lyla from Swedish brand Lelo.

10/10 points to Lyla for superior design, aesthetic and function.

This little gem is the toy I've been waiting for!
Remote controlled vibrators have been popular for some time, especially after seeing them in such films as Shortbus (borrow it if you can) and The Ugly Truth.
The trouble is - they've never worked very well.
Also, the person in control of your little vibrating egg, never knows if it's working, so is constantly looking at you with an expectant, hopeful, slightly alarmed gaze.

Lelo's industry first sensemotion Lyla, enables the controller to know exactly what's happening because the control pad vibrates in unison with the egg.
By simply flicking the wrist and moving the controller from side to side, you can make the egg vibrate as fast or as slow as you like.
You can watch this very cheesy video to see exactly how it can be used.

Beautiful form, hypo-allergenic, waterproof, re-chargeable, 12 speed.

10/10 points to Lyla for Fun.

What could be more exciting than going to a party, dinner date or library with this sexy little vibrating ball inside you or your pants?
You'll love it and your partner will love your little secret.
Try it. It's awesome!

Number 2: Calla by Fun Factory
$195.00

The fabulously soft, delectable Calla by Germany's Fun Factory receives 9/10 points.

10/10 points to Calla for superior design, aesthetic and function.

Calla has a beautiful form and texture that makes you want to hold it and love it and never let it go. If you were a fly on the wall at Passionfruit, you would notice me and the other staff plus the customers, walking around with this toy firmly gripped in our palm.
The loop at the base is a lovely ergonomic design and the control buttons lights up as soon as you pick it up so there's no fumbling in the dark.
It's waterproof, re-chargeable, hypo-allergenic and multi-speed.
Only 1 point is lost for the soft buttons that can be damaged by long fingernails.
No points lost for the Fun Factor though.

10/10 points to Calla for Fun.

Calla has remarkable strength - so much so that you can still feel it even after you've turned it off!
The floral whorling shape is wonderfully suited for both vaginal and anal use and the base vibrates perfectly over the clitoris.
All of these factors combine to make a toy that is versatile, sensual, powerful and sexy.
A must have in your toy box.

Number 3: We-Vibe 11 by Standard Innovation Corporation
$169.00

The We-Vibe is the first toy to give both partners the ride of their lives!

8/10 points to We-Vibe 11 for design, aesthetic and function.

Invented by a savvy Canadian couple, the We-Vibe was created for couples to use together.
The ingenious design allows the woman to insert one end of the C shape into her vagina, while the other end wraps itself externally around her clitoris.
Nine different variations in vibration can then be utilised - but the best bit is that the little device stays inside during sex!
For the woman, it feels as though she has a vibrating penis inside her, and for the man, it feels like a hot, vibrating vagina! Hell yeah!
It's waterproof, re-chargeable, hypo-allergenic and multi-speed.
There are now many variations of the We-Vibe - a testament to its groundbreaking brilliance.
I take just 1 point away for the slight difficulty in changing the speed whilst it is inside you;
a tricky procedure at the best of times.
Another point lost for the sometimes rubbery feel of the toy.
Lots of lubrication is a must!

10/10 points to We-Vibe 11 for Fun.

If you're planning a hot weekend away, a surprise birthday present, or something to spice things up a little, We-Vibe 11 is a brilliant sex toy.
It's the best toy to buy if you don't want your partner to feel like they're missing out!
Just know that it takes 24 hours to charge initially.
Many customers have rung through first and asked us to have it fully charged in time for pick up.
A job we're happy to do!

Day 2 # The Skinny Ideal

2011-10-26T20:58:00.000-07:00

WANTED

Young
Female
Skinny
Pretty
Hairless
Currently dieting

Auditioning now for
Australia's Next Top Model

NOT WANTED

Old
Female
Fat
Ugly
Hairy
Currently dieting on chips and beer

Auditioning now for
Australia's Biggest Loser

Is it just me, or is there a connection?
That is:
The fatter we get is directly proportionate to the thin ideal.
In other words, we must be getting pretty fat.

#1. The Anus Mono(log)ues

2011-10-25T03:15:00.000-07:00

THE ANUS MONO(LOG)UES

In the tradition of Eve Ensler's 'The Vagina Monologues', I have decided to talk to women about, not their vaginas - well that's just passe now - but their (much more controversial) anuses.

Just as Eve uncovered women's thoughts, shame and perceptions about their vaginas, I have endeavoured to get to the bottom of the current anal fixation. Blame it on the internet, but butt sex is practically as popular as garden variety intercourse - and that has created an entire anus industry! Not just a whole new porn genre, (think Anal Acrobats, Anal Honeymoon in the Tropics, In Anal Sluts We Trust etc.) but also crack waxing, bleaching, bum botox, home enema kits and an explosion in the sale of butt plugs, anal beads and prostate massagers.

It's no wonder that there are so many questions, worries, concerns and emotions surrounding The Anus. When Ms Ensler first began her Monologues, she said of the vagina, "There's so much secrecy surrounding them - like The Bermuda Triangle. Nobody ever reports back from there." Well that's doubly true of the anus - apart from proctologists.

So I have begun, as Eve Ensler did before me, by asking each woman participating in 'The Anus Monologues' the same two questions.

1. If your anus got dressed, what would it wear?

Here's a list of my favourite answers:
A champagne cork. A cigar. A cocktail parasol. A flower. Hijab. Diamonds. False eyelashes.

2. If your anus could talk, what would it say?

And here's a selection of answers:
Exit only. Phhht. Wrong one. Brave choice. What smells? Excuse me! Yeah baby!

As you can imagine, running a sex shop gives me access to a million different stories surrounding The Anus and I must give thanks to the many women who have opened themselves up to me. We are currently negotiating filming rights for 'The Anus Mono(log)ues' and are auditioning now. So if you have an anus story that you think might be helpful to others, please submit.

And next time you go to the beauty parlour, think about your reply when asked for a bleach, wax or botox or you might end up with a sore back crack, slightly firmer butt cheeks and the same old crows feet.

The Liebster Award

2011-10-19T17:15:00.000-07:00

I have just had the the sweetest note dropped in to my inbox.

It informed me of a Liebster award bestowed upon me for blogging!

Michelle Wright, owner of Mishfit, nominated me for this award, and is herself a wonderful teacher of fitness and health with remarkable business savvy. So thanks Mishi. Ich liebe dich!

What is a Liebster you may wonder? Both a word (German for dearest or beloved) and an honour, it is bestowed by those in the early stages of writing a blog (less than 200 followers) upon 3-5 bloggers they admire.

When nominated we should:

1. Link back to the blogger who awarded us.

2. Tag 3-5 blogs to receive the award.

3. Inform them of their nomination.

4. Display the Liebster Award image on our blog.

Here are 3 of my favorite bloggers.

1. I met Tanishka of Star of Ishtar many years ago. She drifted through my shop door leaving a trail of exotic, mysterious scent in her wake. Her flaming, wild red hair meandered in all directions while she perused such books as 'Goddess Orgasm', fanned herself with a peacock feather fan, dabbed spicy oils and fingered silky knickers - all the while smiling brightly and looking at me directly with her deep pools of light filled eyes. Tanishka brought the madness and delight of a snake charmed Moroccan bazaar with her and I was instantly hooked. She's a deep well of esoteric knowledge mixed with spot on intuition, is open and encompassing, as well as complex and infinite. She's a fantastic writer and I'm always delighted when her blog pings on my screen like magic.

2. Casey Jenkins and Rayna Fahey of Melbourne Craft Cartel are 'craftivists not capitalists' whose work inspired me when I saw them on a recent documentary 'Making it Handmade'. What I loved about the documentary, was the chance to see women who want to change things, alter perceptions and fight injustice, and who do so in a totally unique, peaceful, rootsy, hardcore but ultimately feminine way. I so often ponder my own perceived lack of power to change things, but seeing the way these women approach activism is truly inspiring. They're not in your face, they're not aggressive, they're not traditional, boring or money raising. They are everything woman represents. Nurturing, creative, loving, thoughtful and smart. And they're making the world a better place using all those qualities. Their blog speaks directly to me.

And now for my 3rd award........I haven't got one! Isn't that pathetic? I've been racking my brain, searching high and low, asking friends - all to no avail. I'm asking all of you to please help me with any suggestions so I can give my award posthumorously. Geez, you'd think it'd be easy to find a great writer who writes about all the things I'm most interested in.

Thank you again Mishi for nominating me for the Liebster award, it's just the kick in the pants that I need to get back into a writing habit - and for inspiring me to take up the challenge to blog for 21 days in a row (Ludwina Dautovic of Red Tent Radio says that google will then remember your website and rank it higher). I know that writing a quality blog each day will be a challenge… so would any other bloggers like to join me?

Men Can't Help Themselves!

2011-09-18T20:58:00.000-07:00

I've been reading Bettina Arndt's 'What Men Want in Bed' - a book revealing men’s sexual desires, needs and cravings. I have long admired Arndt's writing and wholeheatedly agreed (who doesn’t) that men are horny beasts and women, being less sexually driven, can't always satisfy that constant craving. This can lead to power issues, arguments, hurt feelings, affairs, blah blah blah.

Bettina stated in a recent Age article,* “We hear constantly about men in trouble over sex. Men in trouble for not keeping their trousers zipped, for groping and harassing women, men caught out looking at pornography, or gazing at women in the wrong way. But what we never hear about is men's restraint, the remarkable stoicism of current generations of heterosexual men who cop it sweet, despite their immense frustrations.”

‘Remarkable stoicism’? I think that’s precisely where the horn really got up my goat. As much as I agree that men have a higher sex drive than women in general and as much as I’m all for women saying ‘yes’ to their partners more often.... ‘remarkable stoicism’??? Please!

We grow and live in a world surrounded by temptation. All around us every day we can be tempted to stray from the principles that we individually and collectively construct. It might be a momentary urge to steal something beautiful, an anguished desire to smack your child or many more darker urges. Who of us wouldn’t for example, want to hurt, maim or even kill a person who injured a loved one? I ask these questions because it is my closest held belief that we are all capable of the same things. The most depraved action of another human is inside us all if the circumstances configure themselves to allow our particular nature to act likewise. We are all human together and all connected by our nature and spirit. It is this that gives us empathy.

Discipline and love give us the ability to reign in our rampant nature and steer a course through life that is true to our values. As a parent, I feel that it is my responsibility to encourage my children to discipline themselves to not overeat, not watch to much TV, not be mean or bully or violent. In other words, not to do what they naturally want to do but little by little, teach them to discipline themselves to be good people, to respect themselves and others. They learn this most effectively by being given love freely and seeing love around them.

Arndt asserts that a man’s urge to cheat on his partner is “hardwired - yet most men find ways of ignoring that itch, or diverting it into harmless pursuits like looking at pornography.” I would suggest that we are all hardwired to behave badly. The reason we are living this reality is to strive for our most honest and true expression of love. By remaining “remarkably stoic”, Arndt makes men out to be all fucking, raging beasts held in check only by stern, tight lipped mother/lovers.

If men are complaining to Bettina Arndt about their lack of sex within committed relationships, maybe they’re just shit lovers. Maybe they are lazy, self obsessed, uncommunicative, not tuned in to their lover’s needs, not evolving and being the best partner they can be. Arndt says, “ The overwhelming majority wanted to be faithful and were succeeding, even though there may have been a lapse along the way - a one-night stand at a conference, a few weeks of illicit pleasure, or even an affair lasting months or perhaps a year or two. But nothing compared with the many years of restraint.”

“Restraint”? Come on Bettina!!! We are all to some extent held in restraint and remain so because of our own discipline and the laws that demand it. We restrain from speeding, eating with our mouth’s open, farting in public, getting too drunk, killing each other, “groping and harassing women” and a million other things. I would have thought that remaining true to a monogamous relationship would be a restriction that a person who is committed to love would hold in high regard. It might take work, discipline and soul searching, but to suggest that men basically can’t help it and we should pity them for it is ludicrous.

It reminds me of the argument that says women should not go back to a guy’s place with a gutful without expecting to be raped. Men can’t help themselves after all. The thing is, even if he can’t restrain himself, he’s still an arsehole.

*'Lust for Life' Bettina Arndt August 21, 2011 The Age Opinion
http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/lust-for-life-20110820-1j3ed.html

Notes from 'How To Thrill A Man Part 2'

2011-09-11T18:58:00.000-07:00

If you missed Passionfruit’s How To Thrill A Man Part 2, hosted by Layla on Saturday night, you missed the biggest OMFG event we’ve hosted to date.

As this was the first of it’s kind offered to the public, we were all (attendees and participants) just a little apprehensive to begin with. After all, Layla was to perform a 60 minute lingam massage for Andrew - a brave, albeit very willing, lovely male model.

Our apprehensions were quickly laid to rest however, once Layla began to introduce us to the pleasures and benefits of tantric love. If you think you can learn these techniques from a book, I have to say you are misguided. The reason Layla and I formulated this type of workshop is precisely because of this fact. Nothing beats being shown directly the techniques involved in authentic lingam massage.

Firstly, the workshop began with the two lovers setting aside a sacred space in which to say ‘hello’ and acknowledge that a time for lovemaking is being set aside. This is the ‘Namaste’ ritual and helps to open our hearts to each other and vocalise what we might want to give and receive during the session. In this case, Layla expressed her desire to provide Andrew with a one hour lingam massage - of which Andrew was more than happy to oblige!

With Andrew comfortably on his back on the massage table, Layla began. In order to shake out the tensions of the day, a quick massage began on the left foot and followed firmly up the leg, side of the torso, over the left shoulder and down the arm to the hand. This was repeated a couple of times on each side. A lovely firm pull of the hair and deeply relaxing rub of the neck followed. The legs are gently prised apart and the inner thigh caressed and hair across the pelvis fondled.

Then the massage oil, a crucial ingredient to the entire session, was introduced. The aim is to not go straight to the jugular, but to sensitise, tease, seduce and awaken. The oil is poured between the folds of each thigh and the kneading of the lingam begins.

For the rest of the hour, Layla instructed us on the masterful techniques involved. Andrew was spared nothing. His penis, testes and anus were all bestowed with the most exotic, eye popping, devotional massage you are ever likely to be privileged to witness. We were all left breathless, inspired and empowered.

Thank you to Layla, Andrew and all of the participants for a wonderfully positive and educational experience. We are now discussing the possibility of running these workshops on a more regular basis. Currently, we only have one more available in May next year, but clearly, this is a beautiful way to learn the art of giving. I encourage all women to attend. You might be a bit apprehensive at first, but you won’t be sorry. Needless to say, the one you bestow your pleasure upon, won’t be sorry either.

Here’s some participant feedback.

Hi Michelle,
Yeah look it was fantastic, definitely good to get hand on (pardon the pun) tips!!
Thanks

Dear Michelle,
I appreciate so much the workshop you hosted on Saturday night. It was done with so much sensitivity and just felt so 'normal'!!! I don't know how you managed it, but so many of my own barriers were completely shattered and I just feel like a richer, more honest and generous lover.

I can truthfully say that I have never before felt that my $99.00 was so well spent. What I learned will stay with me forever. When's the next one?

Hi Michelle,
Thank-you for the workshop hosted on Saturday evening! I found it informative, liberating and enjoyable and believe more people should have access to such ways of loving. You have a beautiful store & good luck with future events! X

Notes from 'How To Thrill A Man Part 1'

2011-09-11T18:32:00.000-07:00

At July 30's 'How To Thrill A Man Part 1' workshop, fifteen women came together and were sexually empowered. Together, tantrica Layla and Passionfruit founder Michelle, explored all the senses, discovered every body part and gave all the ideas, confidence and tools to allow a woman to fully emerge in to her sexuality. For those who could not attend, we have summarised the key points for you. Book now for Part 2

Part 1
To fully embrace her sexual power, to be a confident, passionate and talented lover, a woman must WANT it. She must own her sexuality, take time with it and absolutely revere her own and her lover’s body.
To ease in to lovemaking and to build arousal, there are some wonderful tantric pleasure points to stimulate.
Starting with the back and using your breath, tongue, fingers, breasts and hair begin to lightly massage the tops of the buttocks. The area at the base of the spine and outward to the hips is a powerful tantric zone that builds fire throughout the body.
Work your way up the spine, across the shoulder blades and to the neck and ears.
The ears have a direct connection to the penis and spending at least five minutes just around this area can be a relentless tease.
The perineum, the skin between the testicles and anus is an important erogenous zone and loves to be firmly massaged.
Incorporate feathers, drip water along the spine and lick it off, massage warm oil in to the skin and use a crop or whip to stimulate the blood and bring it to the surface.
The bottom loves being lightly (or heavily) slapped and adding some dirty talk can heat things up.
Never use a heavy hand around the kidneys or along the spine. Along the shoulder blades is ok but it is generally the bottom that responds best.
Following a bit of slap, the red area loves to be soothed with a kiss or a tender touch.
Allow your lover to watch while you administer your pain/pleasure and add to the excitement even further.
Alternatively, just allow the sound of your heels walking slowly across the floor and the tap of your crop on your palm to enliven.
Make him see, hear, taste, touch and smell you.
The area around the anal passage is also full of exciting nerve endings but needs to be relaxed and coaxed into submission to be thrilled.
Just work small circles with your finger around the opening and spend time massaging and teasing. Use some oil or lubricant to further relax and when ready, you can insert a finger or toy. Accessing a man’s prostate through the rectum can be incredibly stimulating for him.
Moving to the front of the body, concentrate on nipples and the skin around the pubic bone. Pinch, squeeze, maybe add some nipple clamps and use your own body as a tool to titillate.
A simple breathing exercise is a wonderful way to prepare yourself for love when you may be tired and also when you want to connect with your lover or slow down when you do not want to climax.
Hold your left and over your heart and your right over your belly. Close your eyes, breathe in and let out your breath forcefully. Repeat twice and with the third breath, hold it in your belly for 10 seconds and follow it back up your body and slowly out of your mouth.

Part 2
Self pleasure is the self’s core responsibility. It is intrinsic to every woman’s sexuality. Loving your body, respecting and knowing it is not only our responsibility, but vital to our being a fully empowered sexual force. Using fantasy as a way to explore and elevate our orgasmic potential is also an important tool to sexual realisation. Know that whatever you need to fantasise about is OK. Give yourself permission to go wherever your depraved, weird, psycho imagination wants to go. Fantasies are not reality and have no bearing on what we may desire in real life. Sex is heart, body and mind.
Remember when you were a child and the joy and fun you had dressing up? Many men lament that their partner won’t slip into something sexy for them. You can roleplay, be sweet and innocent, dominate or just use stockings and high heels to look hot! Loosen up and play!
Sex toys can be so important in helping a woman realise her sexual potential. Use clitoral stimulators when you want to masturbate alone or as an easy and discreet addition to your lovemaking. Men love them too! Masturbate with a shaft or dual action vibrator in front of your lover to drive him wild! All men are voyeurs and will absolutely love it. It’s also the best education you can give him. Cock rings, placed at the base of the penis, are wonderful to keep a man at full attention for lengthy periods. Pressure at the base of the penis and lots of blood trapped inside his member will keep him happier for longer. The We-Vibe is a brilliant toy that stays inside the vagina and over the clitoris while you’re lovemaking. He will feel your vibrating vagina and you will feel his vibrating penis. Together with clitoral stimulation, it is a great way to feel the rhythm building at the same pace.

Part 3
Giving him the best blow job of his life will be a present that’s never forgotten, sent to the op shop or dumped in the rubbish. Layla likes to sit her honey down at the end of a hard day and treat him to 40 minutes of lingam love!!! Not the full porn star style vacuum pump but a session of intense worship. Begin by grasping the shaft firmly with your whole hand. Concentrate on the head and the frenulum. Blow over the top - use your breath to awaken him. Put the head of his penis in your mouth but don’t close your mouth just yet. Tease. Run your tongue from the bottom of the penis where the testicles meet the shaft, up along the seam to the frenulum and around the head. Encircle your tongue around the penis - around and around while you are sucking and at the head. Create a vacuum with your mouth - suck in air, hollow your cheeks and pop his penis out at the end. Use your saliva to really work up the lubrication or use a warming oil for added fun. Gently pop his testicles in to your mouth and suck gently. Use your hands and fingers to simultaneously stroke the perineum, the nipples and yourself! Change positions so he can see your butt, your breasts, and more importantly - your eyes. Maintain eye contact as you lovingly lick him and send him to heaven and back.

2011-08-15T20:10:00.000-07:00

Rayna Fahey's cross stitched fence in Footscray.

Did anybody watch Making It Handmade last Sunday night?

It follows a group of Melbourne women who are using craft, once part of a woman's home duties and now a lifestyle choice, to say something about themselves and the world.

The rockin' Rayna Fahey, explains how she uses craft techniques and cross stitching to “come up with creative solutions for the crisis we face on this planet.”

What I loved about it, was the chance to see women who want to change things, alter perceptions and fight injustice, and who do so in a totally unique, peaceful, rootsy, hardcore but ultimately feminine way.

I so often ponder my own perceived lack of power to change things, but seeing the way these women approach activism is truly inspiring. They're not in your face, they're not aggressive, they're not traditional, boring or money raising.

They are everything woman represents.
Nurturing, creative, loving, thoughtful and smart.
And they're making the world a better place using all those qualities.
Go Girls!!

Watch this doco on iview if you can.

Michelle
xx

Veiling the Slut

2011-05-22T20:26:00.000-07:00

I have long been fascinated by a woman’s decision (free or not) to cover herself with the hijab, niqab or burqa. As part of her religion, I understand the compelling need to adhere to its traditions, but I am more interested in the deeper issue of why exactly, it is necessary. Overwhelmingly, Muslim women claim that it is liberating and gives them a feeling of self respect, protection and confidence. Covering up protects them from the inquisitive eyes of men. It “stems from male jealousy and the subjugation of women.”*

A Muslim woman should only reveal herself to her close male relatives. God understands that men cannot help their unholy sexual feelings and should be shielded from a woman’s allure. This will allow marriages to be strong and long lasting. The basic presumption is that men can’t control themselves and it is the woman’s responsibility to temper this by her actions and attire.

What irritates me about the hijab and burqa, is its symbolic willingness to forgive men’s indecent urges: the acceptance that revealing a woman’s beauty is potentially harmful to her. Whilst part of being male and human is to fantasize about sex, I’m not sure that the style of a woman’s clothing affects that to any significant degree. Is a man more aroused in summer than winter? Do sexual assault statistics vary according to fashion? From what statistics are available, Muslim women are no safer from sexual assault in their own countries than their Western counterparts. Women are still vulnerable no matter what clothes they choose to wear.

In the East and the West, the onus is on the woman to avoid sexual assault and keep herself safe from sexually deviant and violent men. This is the essence of the problem. Being raped or abused is not the fault of the victim. It is the perpetrator’s fault and this is what needs to be accepted and dealt with. “Eradicating rape depends as much on educating people about this crime as it does on legal reform”.** In many Muslim countries, the rape of a woman is her own fault anyway, and she is heavily punished for it, often by stoning. How does the Muslim woman reconcile that? She already taken away the temptation by covering her beauty. Isn’t that enough?

In Canada recently, a policeman told a group of schoolgirls that “women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized.” It’s a distinctly Muslim point of view and not uncommon in the West. If a woman was raped here when dressed conservatively, would that make the crime more punishable? Most women do feel safer when covering their beauty than when revealing it and that is the tragedy. Dressing to diminish the danger makes it her fault.

Outrage at the Canadian policeman’s comments has resulted in the worldwide ‘SlutWalk’. It’s taking place in Melbourne this Saturday and I think it’s brilliant. If you’re a woman, gay, a geek, transvestite, overweight, tattooed, disabled, retarded, Asian, African, Muslim, a ‘wog’, Aboriginal, or a person that has in any way felt the glare of public dissaproval then you should march too. Wearing your identity should not make you a target of rape or violence. We must avoid symbolically wearing the burqa and instead make violence and vilification unacceptable.

We are our best when we are accepted for the person we are regardless of what we wear or how we look. The society we live in is enriched when it’s people are given the right to freely express themselves. Veiling our beauty, our identity, is not the answer. Women dressing as ‘sluts’? Bring it on! “All the freaky people make the beauty of the world”. Michael Franti

Michelle Temminghoff

*Father Samir Khalir Samir, famous orientalist, Islamic scholar, and author of the book 111 Questions on Islam: Samir Khalil Samir on Islam and the West
**Joanna Bourke, professor and author of Rape: Sex, Violence, History.

"Niquabitches"
Here's an interesting video. A couple of French students decided to protest against the country's new law banning the burqa. I love the irreverence of it and the the way it reveals the taboos that exist simultaneously around modesty and exhibitionism. I post it with complete respect towards the Muslim faith.

Shock Block

2011-05-10T23:37:00.000-07:00

I have severe writers block. Not just now but an ongoing reluctance to write anything at all. I constantly feel pressure to be out there writing blogs, commenting on other people's blogs and facebook pages and twitter feeds and so many more threads of crap that I don't understand or care about and yet I don’t.

And it's not like I haven't got anything to say - my job provides the perfect opportunity to write lots of interesting things. It's just that I can't be bothered. I know that sounds really bad and I feel really guilty but most of the stuff people write on the internet just doesn't interest me. And I am a voracious reader!

Because all of these words floating around in cyberspace just reek of self promotion and narcissism. I guess that is exactly what it's supposed to be but since when have we had to relentlessly spit out vacuous drivel just to attract people to OUR business as opposed to other people’s? Can't we just list ourselves in the directory, have a phone number, provide a great service and be done with it?

Noooo, now we have to set up a Facebook page, a website, a blog, myspace, a twitter feed, youtube, be Linkedin, and have email, fax, telephone, gmail a mobile and the list goes on. Don't even get me started on StumbleUpon, Delicious, Digg and Friendstar. I don't even know what they are yet.

For a person like me who's not that great with computers, it takes a loooong time to work out what all these things are, how to use them then apply them and make them better than everyone else's. The pressure is on! And then you go ahead and set them up and what do you say? 'Gee the weather's cold.' 'Has anyone seen my brain?' 'What time is it?' "Wow your hair looks nice in that photo'. "Isn't that dog cute?'

I don't hang out at school to talk to the mums, I don't have a circle of friends that I drink and gossip with. I find most conversations with women about their husbands and daily lives about as boring as batshit. I hardly ever text, my mobile is used mostly for work and I avoid answering the phone and sending emails. I hardly ever look at my Facebook page and if someone from my old high school wants to become my 'friend' I just think it's plain stupid. You weren't my friend then so why would you want to be now? It's just curiosity and voyeurism. I just don't care!

I know this makes me a bit weird, but my life feels pretty full as it is. But I AM supposed to use all this social media to help my business. And I won’t lie to you and pretend that the only reason I attempt it is because of my business. It’s a job and one that I am really crap at. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve written in my diary ‘Look at Facebook,’ ‘Write a blog a month,’ ‘Investigate Twitter,’ - all to no avail. I fail miserably at self-promotion - it just feels so......American.

I do love talking to customers and I love using what I know and have learnt over the years to help people, so I think I’ll just get on with trying to write about what really means something to me and not about what I had for dinner last night. (Pesto pasta with sardines, anchovies, tomatoes, olives and lemon). The red wine I enjoyed with it doesn’t help my writing efforts either by the way.

Michelle

It's A Curly One

2011-01-07T23:55:00.000-08:00

I've noticed that as young men grow more facial hair, women wax more. Instead of a bloke getting a face full of pubes, a girl gets a pussy full of face hair. Maybe there's a connection. Hmmm...

This hair removal thing has been getting up my gander for some time now. What's with it? I used to think it was a fad but its popularity is increasing.

Is porn to blame for all that waxing? It gets blamed for everything else so why not? But waxing must be worth it because women keep going back for more skinning of the cat and the results aren't always pretty. Besides the blood curdling pain, there's uncomfortable re-growth, in-grown hairs and cebaceous cysts that can get infected. A sexual health nurse friend of mine says if you've ever seen a vulva covered in red, pus-y spots as a result of waxing you'd never do it.

Yet lots of women say they love the feel of a bare mons pubis for the erotic feelings it invokes. OK, good - I'm all for that - dinner with the folks, work presentations and school pick-ups aside. And many believe and feel that it's cleaner. Many waxing websites attest to this theory, but the prevailing scientific thinking is that the purpose of pubic hair is to protect the body from germs and infections, not to increase their proliferation.

I understand that men like the feel of a clean shave (so do I) and no curlies to tickle and pull out of one's teeth must be nice too. And yeah, I can see that it's erotic for some - but so's a gimp mask, a nappy and taking it up the arse by a dominatrix with a dildo the size of double decker bus for some boys. So why the constant self-inflicted torture? If men didn't like it so much, I wonder if we'd bother? Then there's the whole little girl scenario. If you've got a young daughter it's just plain weird.

It appears that all that waxing has made men very finnicky. They're often turned off by a face full of hair and now even very young girls feel they have to comply. It's a nasty cycle. I say, 'If you don't like it, Bad Fucking Luck'! There's plenty of worse things not to like.

Personally, as you've probably guessed by now, I find a woman's bush highly erotic (although I am heterosexual so maybe it doesn't count). That flash of darkness hints of hidden delights - a true woman - spirited, sexual, mysterious, fierce.

Anyway, I've put three mannequins in the window this week with nothing on but a hairy bush. Oh the reaction!

HAIR. THE LAST TABOO.

BURLESQUE PERFORMANCE IN SHOP WINDOW Reveals More Than A Bit Of Boob

2010-11-28T20:20:00.000-08:00

Anyone would think that a beautiful girl wearing revealing lingerie in a shop window would attract an appreciative crowd. And it does. But more often than not, what is revealed is a shyness and self consciousness amongst the male passers-by. According to my calculations, 8 out of 10 men are too embarrassed to look. Regardless of age, the majority of men offer a sideways glance and shuffle past guiltily. Such behavior reveals an unease about how to appreciate and respect the female form.

Could such discomfort reveal a deep contempt for women? I'm thinking that the inability to watch a beautiful, scantily clad, confident woman reveals an underbelly of misogyny. Could the dichotomy of desire and contempt be at the core of Australia’s shameful record of sexual violence against women? Is it the combination of lust and scorn that fuels aggression? My assertion is that the average Aussie bloke is not as open minded as we might imagine. The disrespectful guffawing and hooting of many remaining onlookers may be a testament to that too.

Any Australian woman knows that our society is dangerous simply because men live in it. A lone walk down a deserted alley keeps us alert during the day and is practically unthinkable at night. Covering up, keeping a mobile phone handy, staying alert and sober, walking in pairs or groups and even self defense lessons are all things women employ to keep themselves safe. If these rules aren’t adhered to, many believe a woman deserves to be raped or abused simply because men can’t help themselves.

The fact that women aren't safe in our community is barely questioned. From the moment a girl is born, she is shielded from the harm a man can inflict. When she is old enough to go out in the world on her own, it is with deep concern for her sexual wellbeing. Most parents warn against overt behavior and modes of dress. Discrimination against 51% of the population by virtue of sex is a given. Females accept that they are at risk all day, every day. They rarely ponder what life would be like and what different creatures they might be if their femininity was powerful enough to protect them from men - if they simply never had to worry about going to the shops alone at night.

Undoubtedly, men love women and their bodies, after all they spend enormous sums on strip clubs and pornography. Many women in turn, adore the attention given when their assets are displayed. As much as any man loves a naked woman, he does so with aversion. Certainly, he wouldn’t like it if it was his partner, mother, sister or daughter. Is that why we don’t see naked men in media and society?

Most men are not violent towards women, yet 1 in 3 Australian women will be assaulted or abused in her lifetime. Australian men are increasingly nurturing, protective and loving, offering a new model for our young girls and boys. I ask that all men, whether violent or not, reflect on their thoughts and behavior towards women and to speak out against violence.

Take The White Ribbon Day Oath
White Ribbon Day November 25th
http://www.whiteribbonday.org.au/

Cunts

2010-09-09T01:23:00.000-07:00

I thought I might impart a little information this month that is very close to my heart.
Last month on 'Hungry Beast' (Wednesday 9.00pm ABC1, Thursday 8.30pm ABC2) a wonderful interview was conducted with National Classification Board member Greg Scott regarding the practise of photoshopping pictures of women's vaginas in magazines. Apparantly, Australians don't want to see, and should not see, female 'genital detail'. No, no, no, we should only see a 'tidy' female vulva - that is, no visible inner lips - only a vulva with the outer lips folding over the inner, somewhat like a baby's.
The exact reason as to why a picture of a woman with protruding inner lips is more explicit than a woman with a 'neater' slit is unclear. What is apparant, is that Labiaplasty, the practise of cosmetically altering a woman's vagina to make it look 'less detailed' is one of the fastest growing areas of cosmetic surgery.
Women seeing pictures of photoshopped vaginas are starting to question whether or not their own vaginas are 'normal'. Women are so disgusted with their vaginas that, in increasing numbers, they are taking the ultimate step of having a surgeon cut away their 'excess' skin. If you watched Hungry Beast, you would have seen a surgeon perform the operation and then hold up the offending fold. Whether or not cutting away at the labia might cause nerve damage is unclear.
It's not only the OFLC who believe vaginas are offensive, The Australian Family Association believe that the imagery of vulvas is ‘offensive’ and ‘degrading’ to women. Australian sculptor Greg Taylor caused a stir in 2008 when he exhibited sculptures of female genetalia entitled 'CUNTS'. He thought it interesting that the most reviled word in the English language was once a term of reverence. Nevertheless, the furore his posters caused revealed the depth of feeling surrounding the female form.
My deep feeling is that when a society restricts our view of ourselves, it inhibits, twists and rots our sense of self. It is enough that women are airbrushed to perfection. When our cunts are 'perfected' it offends our sexuality, and sexuality is an intrinsic part of our soul.

Follow these links to find out more.

http://hungrybeast.abc.net.au/stories/labiaplasty-extended-interview-greg-scott
http://cuntsthemovie.com/
http://www.newviewcampaign.org/fgcs.asp
http://events.vday.org/2010/community/Melbourne_%28TVM%29
http://www.abc.net.au/rn/lifematters/stories/2010/3012776.htm

IF YOU'VE NEVER HAD AN ORGASM....

2010-07-30T03:58:00.000-07:00

...you probably feel like you’re the only one. Although not common, many women that come into Passionfruit talk about their inability to achieve orgasmic pleasure.

Although it’s not my place to ask if there’s an obvious reason, more than likely, there’s an underlying issue. The fact that these women have sought answers, whether it be through books, dvd’s, vibrators or just talking about it to me, shows that a willingness to overcome their difficulty is a positive step and one that should reap rewards.

As a shop owner and not a counsellor, my first recommendation is always to begin learning about the body through masturbation. Often, a lack of self exploration is the sole reason why women aren’t achieving the sexual response they desire. Learning about your body and understanding its mysteries and delights is the most important step in one’s quest toward orgasm.

For many women, masturbation is a no go. For whatever reason, a sense of shame and embarrassment doesn’t allow the required surrender of body and mind. (This is the time I often recommend a glass or two of wine).

But there’s just no getting around it! At a time when you feel relaxed and comfortable, lie back and start playing. Part the vaginal lips and feel the silky texture of the vulva. Move one finger around and get used to what your body feels like. Enjoy the feeling of your self for as long as you can then practise, practise, practise. You will begin to start noticing what feels good and what is less pleasurable. Concentrate on what responds to your touch and stick with it.

If you like, you can introduce a vibrator to increase sensation. The brilliant Lelo clitoral stimulators have had great success amongst women who haven’t been able to climax before. I’m sure it’s because of its aesthetically pleasing form, discreet design and beautiful texture. Beauty is an emotional tool that can directly influence our physical responses.

There are so many books that can help too. My personal favorites are The Elusive Orgasm by Vivienne Cass, I Love Female Orgasm by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller and Becoming Orgasmic by Julia Heiman (also available on ‘hands free’ dvd).

Once you have practised, and hopefully achieved orgasm, you can begin to experiment with your partner and subtly instruct them on how to play with your body. Most lovers will be ecstatic to learn the finer art of lovemaking. The gift of pleasure is priceless.

The ability to orgasm can be difficult, especially when there are so many mental hurdles to jump. The longer it goes on, the more elusive it can become so it’s important to begin now and just go for it. Love your self.
(A wonderful website to visit - http://dodsonandross.com/sexfeature/first-time-orgasm)

PORNOGRAPHY

2010-07-23T19:06:00.000-07:00

Passionfruit wants to know your favorite porn movie.
We need all the help we can get!
PORNOGRAPHY
One man's trash is another man's treasure. Trash versus treasure, Art or not, Porn versus Erotica. Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder.

After many years of working here at Passionfruit, having many discussions with all different sorts of people, young and old, men and women, Catholic and Agnostic, I have come to believe that when it comes to porn, all is subjective. As the debate about what is Art and what is not, so the porn vs erotica argument seems destined to rage.

Loosely speaking, I guess the only real difference I can detect, is that erotica has more depth, meaning, intensity and emotion than the traditional 'porn'. Of course, how we interpret these traits is completely subjective. Jeff Koons found Ciccollina utterly intriguing for example, others saw her as just another trash model. Art, music, literature, porn - it's how it affects us personally that defines it.  

How then, can we choose 'good' porn? It's a question I get asked practically every day. Often I have recommended a title that I thought was pretty good and related closely to the particular wants of the customer, only to be told that they HATED it! It's exasperating!

But here's the thing, more than art or music or books or whatever, our reaction to porn really depends on how we're feeling at any given moment (well for us girls at least). It's the intensely personal nature of pornography that can affect us deeply depending on our mood. What turns us into a raging lioness one day might leave us as cold as a wet cat on another. Such is the nature of sex and the moods and hormones of a woman.

So again, what can we ask of a good porno?   Mostly, as far as I can tell, we want story, realism and style - or artfulness. Good looking men without mullets helps too. It doesn't seem a lot to ask but ohhhh it is. Firstly, the storyline. It might be utterly intriguing, but when you're watching porn with the intention of getting turned on and enjoying hot sex with your partner, the story is actually a bit of a distraction. Just get us to the good bit and hold it there!

I think women have the fantasy of watching a movie that builds into something that is exciting and stimulating - the surprise of being turned on and then translating that in to great sex with our partner. That's great when it happens, like when you're watching a late night SBS movie that turns out to be highly erotic. It's the lack of expectation and the surprise factor that nails it.

When you buy porn to turn yourself on, story isn't always relevant.  "Give me some realistic sex" is what many women ask. "Hollywood Porn" as I like to call it relies on impossibly beautiful women who no longer hide their careers from anyone. Now they're feted, lauded, earn great money, are 'empowered' and love their job!! Many cross over into mainstream entertainment with barely a battered eyelid. Hollywood Porn is anything but realistic. These girls can take it for hours on end from any number of men and women in every way possible. It's enough to have you pouring another cup of tea in amazement. And their breasts, shaven bodies, lustrous head hair and bleached bumcracks - It's Barbie sex! Give us some realism! It's not much to ask.  

But do we really want to watch ordinary people having sex? That might be a bit boring, a bit scary or just plain ugly! Isn't pornography supposed to be about fantasy? Surely its major role is to take us out of our zone of 'normalcy' and lift us in to the realm of the imagination. A realm that can inspire and titillate. Fantasy can be the key that unlocks our passions. So how much 'realism' do we really want? The way to really enjoy and benefit from pornography is to remember that porn IS fantasy. Real women aren't like porn stars, but in our own fantasies, we can be them.   

There is room for porn that falls somewhere between the cracks however. Good quality, no Barbies, a bit of a story and a little bit realistic; it does exist but boy is it hard to find! For some reason, when it comes to sex, the market responds with little or no subtlety. For ten years now I've been discarding the packaging from vibrators for example. Marketers still aim these products at men! What woman wants to buy a 'Muffin Mucker' with a picture of a naked women with her legs spread on the box? Either that or buy a Sunbeam product from The Good Guys that calls itself a 'Massager'. Like, derrr! It's the same with porn - all or nothing. Highly stylised Barbie dolls going at it for hours or a documentary - yawn.   

Tired of urging Australian distributors to import smaller, more arthouse films has encouraged me to import them myself. Candida Royalle is loved by many women in Australia, appreciated for her couples focused porn featuring story, humor and realism. Joybear films from the UK are another company doing excellent erotica and Comstock films feature real couples enjoying loving sex. Shock Horror! Andrew Blake, long known for his stylish cinematography has featured Dita Von Teese in a couple of his titles and I've even managed to snare HIS latest titles - rare as hen's teeth Down Under.  Just remember, don't ask too much of your pornography. Lie back, relax, enjoy and pretend you're in Tahiti with the local boys panting for you.....

  Michelle Temminghoff  
Passionfruit

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